Yelling at Work is Never Appropriate Unless the Office is On Fire

I was asked whether a manager can be sued for yelling at an employee (at the top of his lungs) in front of others. You know the answer, right? Well, it depends. Some of the most successful tech titans are famous for their business acumen as well as their legendary blowups and temper tantrums. Despite a few examples to the contrary, the command and control management style doesn’t work anymore. It is an outdated approach doomed to failure in fast-changing markets requiring collaboration and innovations. The professional bully and the yelling boss are on the road to extinction.

But some are slow to adapt to this new world in which leaders are expected to inspire and empower their people and to win the hearts and minds of those they work with. No one gets up in the morning with the intention to annoy or upset others. We are social beings and have an innate need to belong, to be accepted, to be liked, and to be respected. We strive to build and maintain a good professional reputation. But we are all human. In fast-paced work environments where the pressure is on and the stakes are high some people can handle the heat and remain calm and in control while others lose their cool in stressful moments. However, even though to “lose it” is human, it is not an excuse to constantly fly off the handle. Being rude and yelling at coworkers is a sure way to alienate people and make enemies. Yelling is the most effective way to end a conversation and ruin a relationship. To quote Ian Read, CEO of Pfizer: “you gain respect in drops but can lose it in gallons.” And once lost, it’s very hard to get trust, respect and loyalty back.

A few years ago, I worked with a client, a senior leader, who was referred to me following a 360 review feedback from his boss, direct reports and peers describing him as “too aggressive” and “out of control.” Initially, he tried to dismiss the issue claiming he was a loud talker. He admitted that on occasion he did raise his voice but only when he needed to make a point. In his opinion, people were just being overly sensitive about what he truly believed was a perfectly acceptable and a completely normal behavior. He didn’t accept that a raised voice, aka yelling, equaled aggression. In fact, to him it showed passion and caring. He proudly reported coming from a long line of self-proclaimed yellers. In his family, yelling meant love. He also explained that he came from a country where people fly into a rage at the slightest provocation. To be clear, acceptable behaviors in the country of origin may not be appropriate in a new country. Protections due to national origin apply to people who are treated unfavorably and are subject to a hostile work environment because they are from a particular country, not to those who try to use their country of origin’s code of conduct as a line of defense against a harassment claim.

I believe it’s worthwhile to elaborate on the concept of a “hostile work environment.” While unprofessional; yelling, screaming, ranting, and berating are not unlawful. Crossing the line into unlawful territory occurs when the behavior meets three criteria: 1. the person falls into one of the “protected categories” (the federal categories are race, color, religion, national origin, age, gender, disability, genetic information, veteran status, with additional categories varying by state.) 2. The behavior is extreme (reasonable person standard) affecting employment conditions and 3. The behavior is pervasive and persistent.

I am glad to report that despite the initial resistance, the client was able to make the behavioral changes to reduce the emotional outbursts and improve his relationships, which ultimately resulted in an improvement in his team’s overall performance and engagement scores.

So back to yelling….

If you are the aggressor:

Hopefully you haven’t crossed the legal line. Hostility is in the eye of the beholder. If you are perceived as rude and hostile, it is in your best interest to change. Make a conscious decision to stop yelling and a commitment to learn new skills to manage stress and frustration. Controlling your temper in the moment can be done in 4 simple steps: Stop, Breathe, Focus (thoughts to stay clam), Reframe (the conversation to offer a win-win solution.) While easy to follow, every new skill takes practice to master.

For additional information, I recommend “Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts” by Marshall Goldsmith.

The book is mostly about making lasting changes, and it doesn’t really offer new insights. However, change is not about what we know but rather about what we do. It can certainly re-focus attention to achieve positive outcomes.

If the hostility is directed at you:

If you believe you are bullied or harassed, you should report it to HR. Otherwise, evaluate your options. If things just got a little too heated, you may want to handle the situation yourself. If you feel that a co-worker or a boss crossed a line, and you cannot let it slide, request a private meeting with the person. Explain you feel the outburst was unwarranted and made you uncomfortable. Once you talk to the person and hopefully receive an apology, it’s best to let it go and move on.

For additional information, I recommend “How To Deal With Difficult People: Smart Tactics for Overcoming the Problem People in Your Life” by Gill Hasson.

Wishing you a peaceful weekend!