Road Warriors and Everyday Heroes

Over the years, I’ve coached many clients struggling to maintain a healthy work-life balance, especially those traveling frequently for business. Most have reported the stress of long check-in lines, airport delays, separation from loved ones, and catch-up work following a business trip. However, it is not very often I get to coach the one left behind to keep the home fires burning, the significant other doing all the hard work associated with the everyday minutiae and no glory; a problem I am intimately familiar with. If you are in a relationship with someone traveling often enough to qualify for the 1K MileagePlus Premier® status, this may sound all too familiar.

It’s not that we begrudge our frequent fliers their “get out of jail free card” enjoying the kids-free time off. And for the most part, we don’t wish we could be traveling along with them (well, unless it’s a trip to Australia.) It’s just that absence really doesn’t make the heart grow fonder when you are left to hold down the fort. I am not aware of any studies on the effects of international travel on the “significant other,” but my personal experience is such that you don’t have to be on the road to be weary. Maintaining the family routines and doing the dirty work in the trenches until the traveling parent flies back to the nest can be physically and mentally exhausting. Add to the mix a weary road warrior and you get two not very happy campers.

Adjusting to the free flights and hotel rooms is easy. However, handling the challenges and stress of extensive travel and keeping the relationship long-lasting and healthy when you are often miles apart may require some work and mindful effort. The good news is that it is possible to have a great relationship even when sleeping miles apart and in different beds for many nights.

Here are some lessons from the road much traveled:

Communication is key for any relationship, but it is critical in a relationship that must stand the test of travel.

1.      Sharing is caring: email each other your itinerary for the time apart; any important places, activities, and dates – anything that’s important to know and remember. Save the dates into your calendars.
2.      Stay connected daily. Traveling partner, take the responsibility to call and check in every opportunity you get when you are in a quiet place (the hotel bar is NOT really a good choice.)
3.      When talking on the phone/FaceTime/Skype: debrief about what’s going on at home and at work but move on to focus on each other. Pretend you are on a romantic date and use the time to rekindle the romance in your relationship.
4.      "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil:” Be positive in your thoughts, words, and actions. Appreciate all that you have and have built together (could always be better but also much worse). Do not complain, but if your partner does, listen with empathy and kindness. Respond with words of love and appreciation. Acknowledge how hard it is for your loved one to be away/be home alone. Give generously and help willingly. No one ever wished for more housework. Always strive to do more. Develop the superpower to see only the best in each other.
5.      Get back into the swing of things: try and get back into the routine of things as soon as possible. Go back to doing all your favorite activities. It will help ease in and out of the home again/gone again transitions.

And never stop having fun. The kids will be leaving home soon (sooner than you think). Make sure you don’t take each other for granted and take advantage of every opportunity to have fun and enjoy each other’s company. If opportunities do not knock, create them if they don’t come.

More on how to keep your love alive and your relationship fresh:

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary D. Chapman