Rio 2016: Inspiration Without Borders

I can’t wait; the Summer Olympics opening ceremony is airing tonight. And for the first time in South America. The Olympic Games are always a great part of my summer and winter. And I am certainly excited about the Brazilians’ decision to break the tradition of a grandiose opening ceremony and to curb costs tailoring the event to the current economic conditions in Brazil.

I look forward to witnessing the awe-inspiring Olympic moments. Every athlete has a story, and I am a sucker for a good story. There are three Olympians I will be following closely:

The first, Israel’s leading gymnast, Neta Rivkin, my birth country pride. Neta is setting the standard of a third straight Olympiad, a rare achievement for any rhythmic gymnast, so it is likely to be her last Olympics. She will be carrying the Israeli flag in the opening ceremony.

I know there are many who argue that rhythmic gymnastics (and synchronized swimming) should not be an Olympic sport. As one of my friends loves saying: “my cat can do more interesting things with a string.” I certainly can’t contribute to the debate as to what qualifies as an Olympic sport. But I believe we can all safely agree that rhythmic gymnastics requires strength, superhuman flexibility, coordination, and endurance. In my (layperson) opinion, the athleticism required is much greater than some other Olympic sports such as archery or shooting. As I watch the gymnasts doing their routines, it just seems humanly impossible to do what they are doing, truly pushing their bodies to the absolute limit. 

In a pre-games interview with Neta, she reported training 270 hours a month. The average work hours per month in the US is 180 (a 40-hour workweek multiplied by 4.5 weeks per month.) For the past 15 years Neta has been training for 8-10 hours a day, 6 days a week. And all for a routine that lasts one minute and thirty seconds. As a coach whose life work is to encourage people to follow their dreams, I am drawn in by the passion, intensity, and total dedication these athletes demonstrate. And I like it that there’s a women-only event. I will also be rooting for the US gymnast, Laura Zeng. May the best woman win!

The second athlete on my most-interesting-to-watch list is Ibtihaj Muhammad, America's first hijab-wearing Olympian. In addition to the obvious considerations of built, talent, and capabilities in the search for which sport is within reach with the potential to being amazing at, Ibthiaj also had to find the sport that would allow her to cover her hair and neck and still be able to compete. She didn’t make it to the 2012 Olympic team, so she just worked harder. In many of her interviews she mentions that sport is not always encouraged for young women in the Muslim community. She had to break down barriers in chasing her dream. I admire her courage to go with the unfamiliar and do things differently. I hope she brings home the gold.

And the third is the South African athlete Caster Semenya. She became known in 2009 winning the 800 meters by more than 4 seconds to then get hauled over the coals by the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) subjecting her to widely publicized testing. She had to withdraw from international competitions for almost a full year until the IAAF cleared her to return to competition in July 2010. But she was forced to take testosterone‑suppressing medication to bring her testosterone levels back to “normal” in order to compete. It was only last year that ruling from the Court of Arbitration for Sport allowed female athletes to stop taking the hormones.

Semenya was legally recognized as female at birth. Yet, the sports world was quick to denounce her for the unfair advantage of her body’s extra testosterone; which is also unjustly discriminatory considering men were not similarly screened for high natural testosterone levels. In fact, there’s been no attempt to try and regulate the natural advantages of male athletes. It seems that when a man has a rare genetic gift, he is revered and celebrated. Testing confirmed that Michael Phelps’ muscles produce 50% less lactic acid compared to other athletes. This genetic advantage enables him to work at higher intensity for longer periods and quickly recover. The flying fish was cheered on as he swam to a record winning 8 gold medals in quick succession uninterrupted. I hope Semenya can now peacefully focus on her goals and will get to upgrade her 2012 silver medal for a gold one in Rio.
 
And may the 2016 Olympic Games mark an era in which we move toward greater gender sensitivity and equality. 

Pokémon Go: The Children are Back Outside

This post is dedicated to all my Facebook friends who have posted or shared the following: “whenever you feel stupid, remember there are people outside looking for Pokémon.” I might be the only person who haven’t played the game yet, but I think it’s pure genius. You can’t argue with success. Since its initial release Pokémon Go has officially become the biggest mobile app in US history. And it’d getting our kids to play outside. It’s been years since I have seen so many kids walking around in our neighborhood.

Nostalgia is definitely coloring my perspective thinking back to the ancient times growing up when our mothers practically locked us out to clean the house undisturbed and do whatever moms were doing back then. We spent hours playing outside with our friends going on “expeditions” running around the neighborhood having fun and occasionally getting into a little mischief. Ah, the sweet freedoms of an unsupervised childhood. Growing up, being bored was not an option. My mother admonished that if we were bored we just hadn’t thought about something useful to do, and if we couldn’t find things to do, she could assign us plenty of chores to keep us busy until our next birthday.

As a young mother raising my kids in the 90s, I felt sad that my children didn’t get to have the same freedom to roam around as I did; to ride their bike, play with friends in the park, and walk to the swimming pool and school. But it seemed that not only were my friends horrified by the idea of leaving our children unsupervised, but our children showed no interest in being on their own without parental central entertainment services. As much as I tried to encourage my kids to go for a walk or a bike ride, they were more inclined to stay indoors and play video games. Strolling around the neighborhood, there were no kids to be seen as if the pied piper had taken them all. Unsupervised children playing outside became but a distant memory. Hide and seek was lost and couldn’t be found.

So I am happy ugly Charamander is making a comeback. Kids, go outside, explore the world and collect as many different kinds of these exotic creatures as you can. Be sure to use the correct plural form of Pokémon. And don’t forget to go to the “gym….” Parents, you got it. This is all a big ploy to get our children to get out and move around. All we need to do is give them unhatched “eggs” and they will walk for miles to “incubate” them. Apparently, it works much better than bribing them with baseball cards, ice cream, or additional TV time.

I am not blind to the dangers of children roaming the streets unsupervised. I, too, share the innate parental fear playing out the worst case scenarios in my head of all the horrible things that could happen to my children. But here’s the bottom line, indoors or outside, alone or with their friends, we need to start to loosen the outer covering of bubble wrap and leave our children to their own devices to explore and organize their own activities. Once we leave the kids alone without telling them what to do or try so hard to keep them entertained, they will learn to problem solve, imagine, invent, and create. It is indeed a scary proposition. I am not advocating child neglect but rather letting our children enjoy age-appropriate autonomy. Let’s transform ourselves to be hummingbird parents who hover at a distance instead of being overly involved smothering our kids by making a lot of noise, a lot of wind, and a lot of racket hovering over them. Let Pokémon Go launch the revival of an era in which with common-sense safety rules for our tech savvy children, they will get plenty of fresh air and exercise running around with their friends to catch Pokémon.

Family Dynamics Replayed at Work

Having just spent a week traveling with my entire extended family, I was thinking a lot about family dynamics, sibling hierarchy and roles, and how our childhood self plays out in our adult life at home and at work. So I was happy to come across the July 19th article from HBR - The FamilyDynamics We Grew Up with Shape How We Work by Roger Jones.

For years I’ve been coaching leaders and employees that the nature of any work relationship is primarily professional and references to being “one big corporate family” are misguided. The sentiment is well-intentioned, but it’s important to recognize that while family interactions occur in the realm of emotions and feelings and are built on the foundation of love, attachment, and intimacy, workplaces operate successfully when emotions are checked at the door. Professional conduct is about managing emotions and remaining calm under pressure.  Interactions at work are built on common goals and with the purpose of creating future value. We can work for many companies and hold many different roles. But we have only one family. It seems a better model for work relationships is that of a professional sports team. Not for nothing are sports metaphors often used in business context and in management practices. There’s definitely a strong link between success in sports and in business. But that’s a topic for another day.

Whether in sports or in business, it is imperative to reflect on our family dynamics and how we may be reenacting those emotional roles in the workplace: the family clown, the charmer, the pleaser, the troublemaker, the responsible one, the goody two-shoes, etc. The workplace offers many examples of accomplished adults playing out these childhood roles such as the bickering coworkers having a heated argument akin to sibling rivalry, the leader who loses confidence in a big and bad way in the presence of the big boss, the employee who wouldn’t stop being the “smart guy” finishing everyone’s sentences always having the last word, and the petulant employee engaging in pointless verbal battles with the manager. Awareness is the key to navigating the emotional landmines in the workplace and steering conversations towards congenial and collegial interactions conducive to a healthy and productive work environment.

To do so, you need to master the art of staying calm and keeping your composure. This will serve you in every situation. Learn to do so in 4 simple steps:

1. STOP

Conflict, anger, and stress trigger our “fight or flight” response and kick our nervous system into high gear. When you feel your body tense, stop what you are doing.

2. BREATHE

Focus on your breath. Diaphragmatic (belly) breathing helps alleviate stress and regain control. Take 5 breaths in and out (see your belly come forward with each inhale.)

3. CHANT

While focusing on your breath, silently repeat your “stay calm” mantra. It’s similar to the idea of using a safe word. This will help you refocus and dig deep to find patience and tolerance. Some of the “stay clam” mantras my clients have used:

Smiling Brings Me Joy * Laughter Lightens My Load * In Every Moment, Peace is a Choice * Relax, Release, At Ease * Keep Clam & Carry-on.

And my personal mantra is from Simon & Garfunkel’s 59^th Street Bridge Song: “Slow down, you move too fast.”

4. REFRAME

You should now be able to respond to the situation from a place of mindful presence. You can see the big picture and change the conversation to have a productive discussion. Ask yourself what is to be gained? What would be the win-win proposition? Instead of saying “no”, offer up alternative solutions.

The premise is that we need to learn to catch our initial reaction, assess what’s going on, or check the situation, to be able to change it. To open the door for deeper levels of awareness and consciousness, it can be a fun exercise to reflect back and make sense of our early family dynamics and self-diagnose their influence on who we have become and how it all plays out in our adult relationships and interactions with others. And then we can make a commitment to change those things which don’t serve us well and adopt new skills and new behaviors.

 

Life is like a Long Hiking Trail

While I am an avid hiker, I am a big fan of being clean and comfortable. To me hiking means hitting the local trails in the afternoons and on weekends to enjoy the great outdoors and open air. But a couple of times a year I yearn for the challenge and excitement of a long-distance hike.

I am not a hard core hiker seeking extreme trekking such as the Appalachian Trail or the Pacific Crest Trail. But I’ve hiked enough miles to learn how to balance challenge and comfort seeking epic hikes that provide an intense and unforgettable experience yet allow for the pleasure of a hot shower, good food, and a comfortable bed after a long day of hiking.

And I’ve just experienced one of the world’s greatest hikes, the most popular hiking trail in Europe, the Tour du Mont Blanc (TMB); completely personalizing the TMB North, hiking the trail at a leisurely pace covering 3 countries (France, Italy and Switzerland) in 6 days starting in Courmayeur and finishing in Chamonix,  about 70 miles of spectacular views.

Even though I should have expected the trail to be busy considering it’s the most popular in Europe and in peak season, I was still surprised by how many people actually hike the TMB. If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say I passed over 500 people daily. Encounters along the trail are mostly perfunctory greetings such as “morning” or “hello” but there’s still a great sense of connection sharing the trail. We have all become a part of each other’s trail experience: the toddler in hiking boots and a pacifier, the fierce German mountaineers with the ice axes, the  elderly couple making their way up the mountain slowly but surely, the girl in the lacy bra, the Japanese man training for the Ultra-Trail du Mont-Blanc. Pounding the trail day after day with so many other people around certainly calls for reflection on the lessons learned on a mutually traveled path. As I followed the TMB trail, I tried to reflect daily on these lessons that have enriched my trail experience and my appreciation of the world and my life:

1. There are many paths to the top of the mountain and many ways to walk those paths. We each choose our own path to reach the summit, following the 'mini' trails. But as unique as we are, there’s always someone who has walked the path before and ended up leaving marks that can make our journey easier. The climb is ours, but the experience of others can help a lot. And everything we learn can be used on a future hike on a different mountain.
2. The trail is long and winding with many forks along the way. The forks in the road provide an opportunity to assess and decide which path to take. To quote Yogi Berra: “when you come to a fork in the road, take it!” Learn to trust yourself, especially when the markers are not easily identifiable. Trails have a way of twisting and turning unexpectedly. Whatever path you choose, the trail has a way of righting itself, especially once you gain mileage and experience. Hiking is much more fun when you dare to explore and experiment. A new path may lead to breathtaking views. There are plenty of opportunities to self-correct and change course when you feel the direction is just not right. 
3. No trail is without obstacles. You never know what you’d encounter out on the trail: overgrown brush, fallen trees, poison oak, slippery rocks, speeding mountain bikers, cow pies and horse apples, and if you are lucky wildlife. Each challenge requires our focused attention and active engagement as we decide where to place each foot. These unexpected moments teach us about our skills and strengths. While challenging, the obstacles along the path make the hike so much more memorable, the achievement greater and more valuable.
4. It’s never the same trail twice. The terrain is alive, dynamic and ever-changing with the changing seasons and passing hours. When we pay attention we notice the nuances of the different light, weather, colors, and our state of mind. Coming down the same trail we went up, the trail seems entirely new. The views can be appreciated from a different angle. With every step we take we can discover new spots of beauty.
5. Trail difficulty is relative. The trail description and difficulty rating is based on the trail conditions, grade steepness, elevation gain/loss, and the relative technical difficulty (like crossing ice patches.) But even with experience, some days we might struggle depending on our physical and mental state and what we are able to bring to the trail. Some days we are ready to embrace bigger challenges and test our limits while on others we need to take the easy road. And often the descent is more rigorous and painful than the climb up. In hiking and in life, going downhill is an uphill job. But as mountain hikers, we learn to appreciate the steep climb up and the vistas from the top knowing that being at the top is temporary, much like being at the bottom. Descents are inevitable and are the pathway to another beautiful climb.  
6. Triumph! The sweet smell of success: completing the hike. It feels so good. The hard work is done. We got the blisters and photos to prove it and the great memories to cherish. Now it’s time for the rewards of a long hike: post-hike stretches, hot shower, a good meal, and a long rest. But don’t rest on your laurels for too long, start planning and preparing for the next adventure.

Let’s continue to embrace the joys of life’s journey of discovery and growth and the beauty of the changing trails and paths.