Self-Advocacy: The Confidence to Ask for What You Want

Having trouble advocating for yourself? Does your incredible work go unrewarded while others who seem to be doing less appear to be getting more of the pie? I have been thinking about this a lot lately, working with many people and observing how asking for things comes very naturally to some while others dread asking for the things they need to thrive at work. Those who dare not ask aren’t less talented nor are they poorer performers; on the contrary, I often find them to be superior performers who diligently attend to details and pursue excellence in delivering on their commitments, and far beyond. I believe it all comes down to self-advocacy: knowing yourself, understanding your needs, and having the confidence to ask for what you want. Modern work life requires self-management, working diligently and efficiently with little supervision. This principle, in an indirect way, may mean that at times hard work and efforts go unnoticed and overlooked.

In my experience, top performers are those who derive satisfaction from the work itself. They always enthusiastically seek out new challenges striving to put quality into everything they do and to drive innovative improvements. With the power to self-manage comes the responsibility to realize potential and maximize growth on the job. One of the most critical career success skills is adopting a confident way of influencing others up and down the proverbial ladder to make things happen. In the modern workplace, we are all always advocating for something – ideas, solutions, approach, actions to be taken, etc. The old saying is very true: “if you don’t ask, you do not receive.” We need to own our advancement and get savvy pitching for greater responsibilities, a promotion, or a raise. And yet for most, asking for things is not a strength and doesn’t come easy.

My grandmother used to say that those who give the best of themselves get the best from others. I've found that this is not always the case. In our crazy busy world of work, most people would rarely do things for others unless they are specifically asked for what is needed from them. Even good managers and leaders may not be very good at getting their teams the resources they need, or advocate for them, and thus, employees need to strategically manage both their work and their careers. It has become incredibly important for employees to ask for the resources, the roles, and the monetary rewards to proactively drive their career development and advancement.

Asking for what we need is a critical leadership skill, but it needs to be preceded by meticulous planning; not the half-hearted attempt kind but rather the full-fledged researched, planned, and executed process. So that when the opportunity presents itself, you are prepared to communicate the request in a confident and positive way. It is important to note that excelling on the job also entails building a powerful professional network on the job. It is critical to surviving organizational changes and restructuring as well as long-term career advancement. When you have clarity as to what you need, start weaving it into business discussions in order to plant the seed and strategically position yourself for the next step. The more conversations you have, the better you prepare the ground for buy-in and achieving your goal.

Marketing oneself with confidence is not easy. It took me a long time to feel confident asking for the roles I knew I was qualified for and the compensation I knew I deserved. Nothing ever was given to me without me asking for it and making the case for it. I truly believe that throughout our careers, we must be our own advocate and speak up when we want to pursue a stretch role, a promotion, or a pay raise. Building self-advocacy and influencing skills takes time and is a dynamic and never-ending process. We must proactively accept the responsibility to drive our own professional growth. There’s no one else whose job is to look out for our own interests. It is your responsibility to figure out where you want to go, what you need to get there, and to ask for it. And always with the understanding that any time you ask for something, the answer might be "no" or that you’d be getting less than what you feel is merited. And when the answer is “no” use the disappointment as fuel to your future success. See When the Answer is “No.”

You can wait and ask the Universe for the things you want, but ultimately, you get what you want when you are ready to ask for it.