Failing Forward: Moving Beyond “Why Bother” to Trying Harder

When trying out new things risk is very real whereas fear of failure is a choice. Hiking is a longtime hobby of mine. Nature and mountains are the fuel that drives my heart. But passion is not enough. You do not climb a mountain without being fit, without being prepared, or without taking any risks. Accidents do happen. Despite being a hiking nutcase with a lot of experience and many miles under my belt, I still suffer that moment of trepidation looking up the mountain before starting the climb. However, not trying, choosing to fail in advance, would be to deny myself the experience. I start the hike knowing that no matter how difficult it proves to be, there will be a path to the summit. My challenge is never the mountain; it is myself. Following dreams and pursuing goals are not unlike climbing a big mountain. We need to pass the potholes and the pebbles on our path to reach our destination.

One of the greatest challenges of any cross in the road is self-doubt, that creepy, crawly monster that worms its way to our brain whenever we feel that yearning to chase a dream. It’s scary stuff. It seems there’s obvious high positive correlation between the fear factor and desire – the more we want something the more we fear failure. Failing at something that we care deeply about can be devastating. And so, as a defense mechanism against disappointment, the brain automatically seeks to go to that dark place of the “no way, fat chance, & why even bother” as soon as an incredible opportunity presents itself. It is the brain’s job to create thoughts and narratives. But these are not facts and not an accurate prediction of real world outcomes. Our hope is in reminding ourselves that the other side of fear is success. The key question we should always ask ourselves is: “would I rather try and fail than fail to try?” We waste a lot of mental energy trying to figure out how to avoid failing instead of going in trusting that failures will turn into lessons, and the knowledge we acquire along the way will make us stronger and better.

Another challenge is that it is sometimes easier to focus on the negative events while failing to recognize the positive ones (instead of celebrating landing a new client I was beating myself up about bombing the presentation.) This tendency is a famous psychological phenomenon called headwinds and tailwinds, feeling we face more headwinds, obstacles, than others while undervaluing the tailwinds, the benefits, we receive. Overcoming obstacles requires mental strength and energy. But it is easy to lose sight of and to take the many privileges and benefits in our life for granted. Challenges and failures are required to achieve goals and meaningful growth. In the face of setbacks and when feeling defeated, the only way forward is to embrace negative emotions like fear, pessimism, and insecurity as the pathway into our full potential. Being grateful for both the headwinds and the tailwinds can help us refocus on the ultimate goal. A roadblock is an opportunity to figure out a way around it to plow ahead in a new and creative way.

So, when opportunity knocks and you find yourself afraid of failure, choosing to fail ahead rather than set your goal and move forward, re-engage and choose the mindset to positively reframe your thoughts. Here’s how:

1. Perform a reality check: take a step back and look at the story you are telling yourself, what you believe to be true (your own opinion) and what may be alternative scripts. Remove any fear by considering all of the potential scenarios and outcomes.
2. Use your imagination: get creative and open your mind to all possibilities. Looking at a situation in a different way may lead to new ideas and solutions. Imagine each new possibility as a different pair of glasses that provide a different perspective on your situation.  What if this is your lucky break?
3. Make a choice to go positive: mindsets are a choice. Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to neutralize fear. Make a conscious effort to free yourself from fear and perceived limitations. Go ahead and choose the right pair of glasses, that perspective that feels right when “wearing it.”

There is always a point, along every journey, where you need to take stock of progress, a time to make changes or even quit altogether setting your sights on new goals. Sadly, it is often hard to know whether to continue trying or to quit and move on. There could be an ugly side to perseverance. We all know that person who is too stubborn for their own good. But oftentimes we just need to keep trying, to take what we have learned through experience, and try again. This time being wiser and more knowledgeable to be better positioned for success. Ultimately, it is the journey, not the destination, that really matters.