Today is the last day of the month, and as January rolls into February, I am finding myself pulled back into the New Year mindset. The beginning of the year is the most hopeful time of the year. It’s when we tend to feel a blaze of optimism that we can turn ourselves into happier and more successful people. I love New Year’s resolutions and the energy and enthusiasm that propel us to dream big, set goals and believe we can achieve them. Expecting great things to happen is such a wonderful feeling, and hope is contagious. This year, however, I actually gave myself permission to free myself of big lofty goals to be able to uncover new possibilities and options. The wear and tear of the past eighteen months of starting a new business called for a change of strategy. I started 2018 with no big, lofty goals other than to fully enjoy the journey of self-discovery. For the first time in my life, I made a conscious choice to just let things unfold and trust that what I am looking for will naturally find me. I decided to keep pursuing the path of my choice but in a gentler way to let things happen rather than try to make them happen, to try and attract opportunities rather than actively chase them. Instead of attempting to forcefully create change by defining specific outcomes, I resolved to just keep on doing all that is possible with the means that I have and let the universe do her thing, trusting that the best is yet to come.
And yet, I feel the universe did send me a message. Searching Netflix for a movie to watch on the treadmill, I came across The Climb, or in French L’Ascension. The film is based on the true story of Nadir Dendoune who climbed Mount Everest and reached the summit without any prior climbing experience and no preparation to speak of (other than falsifying his documentation claiming he’d climbed both Mont Blanc and Kilimanjaro.) I enjoyed the movie even though it’s not a very good movie because watching it challenged me to reflect on goal- setting and my definition of what is truly possible. To comprehend what an incredible achievement this was, check out Everest statistics. I wish I could read Dendoune’s book about his experience: "Un tocard sur le toit du monde", I believe roughly translates to A Loser on Top of the World (pardon my French.) The book is available on Amazon, but only in French. Since I can’t read the book, I can only draw on my imagination to try and grasp Dendoune’s tale of adventure and let it open my mind and inspire my soul to new possibilities.
No worries, I am not setting out to Nepal to climb Mount Everest any time soon, or ever, but I am left feeling that perhaps I need to push myself to be more daring when it comes to my goals for the coming year. Dendoune’s amazing triumph is proof that the impossible can become possible, that in imagining something we can achieve it. Like a Nike ad, how do we make the impossible happen? We just do it! Our outcomes are empowered or limited by what we believe – whether we think we can or cannot, we are right. The concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy has merited many studies, analyses, interpretations, and discussions. The limits of what we define as possible can be re-defined by pushing ourselves beyond them into the realm of the impossible. But how can we extend our own limits to achieve things we haven’t yet realized we are capable of? I believe that optimism is at the heart of the matter, the emotional capability to maintain a sense of hopefulness (as opposed to feeling powerless and helpless) determines our ability to push beyond the circumstances and what we are normally capable of.
Moreover, great achievements have more to them than just creating the right mindset for success. Staying motivated to keep taking consistent action requires clarity about what we want, what is deeply meaningful to us. I believe that “mind over matter,” the willpower to persist and follow through with what we set out to accomplish, correlates to the value we assign to the goal we pursue, the “why” of our endeavor. When our goal is personally meaningful; i.e.; authentic to our values, we are likely to pull out all the stops to achieve it.
So, what is my lesson learned from The Climb? To look deep inside and not short myself of the chance to find the change that I really want to make this year. My “why” may not resonate for anyone else, but as long as something is really important and truly motivational to me, it would allow me to keep making intentional choices to keep going and power through challenges, to push myself a little harder, dig deeper and give more.
What is your mountain to climb in 2018?
When trying out new things risk is very real whereas fear of failure is a choice. Hiking is a longtime hobby of mine. Nature and mountains are the fuel that drives my heart. But passion is not enough. You do not climb a mountain without being fit, without being prepared, or without taking any risks. Accidents do happen. Despite being a hiking nutcase with a lot of experience and many miles under my belt, I still suffer that moment of trepidation looking up the mountain before starting the climb. However, not trying, choosing to fail in advance, would be to deny myself the experience. I start the hike knowing that no matter how difficult it proves to be, there will be a path to the summit. My challenge is never the mountain; it is myself. Following dreams and pursuing goals are not unlike climbing a big mountain. We need to pass the potholes and the pebbles on our path to reach our destination.
One of the greatest challenges of any cross in the road is self-doubt, that creepy, crawly monster that worms its way to our brain whenever we feel that yearning to chase a dream. It’s scary stuff. It seems there’s obvious high positive correlation between the fear factor and desire – the more we want something the more we fear failure. Failing at something that we care deeply about can be devastating. And so, as a defense mechanism against disappointment, the brain automatically seeks to go to that dark place of the “no way, fat chance, & why even bother” as soon as an incredible opportunity presents itself. It is the brain’s job to create thoughts and narratives. But these are not facts and not an accurate prediction of real world outcomes. Our hope is in reminding ourselves that the other side of fear is success. The key question we should always ask ourselves is: “would I rather try and fail than fail to try?” We waste a lot of mental energy trying to figure out how to avoid failing instead of going in trusting that failures will turn into lessons, and the knowledge we acquire along the way will make us stronger and better.
Another challenge is that it is sometimes easier to focus on the negative events while failing to recognize the positive ones (instead of celebrating landing a new client I was beating myself up about bombing the presentation.) This tendency is a famous psychological phenomenon called headwinds and tailwinds, feeling we face more headwinds, obstacles, than others while undervaluing the tailwinds, the benefits, we receive. Overcoming obstacles requires mental strength and energy. But it is easy to lose sight of and to take the many privileges and benefits in our life for granted. Challenges and failures are required to achieve goals and meaningful growth. In the face of setbacks and when feeling defeated, the only way forward is to embrace negative emotions like fear, pessimism, and insecurity as the pathway into our full potential. Being grateful for both the headwinds and the tailwinds can help us refocus on the ultimate goal. A roadblock is an opportunity to figure out a way around it to plow ahead in a new and creative way.
So, when opportunity knocks and you find yourself afraid of failure, choosing to fail ahead rather than set your goal and move forward, re-engage and choose the mindset to positively reframe your thoughts. Here’s how:
- Perform a reality check: take a step back and look at the story you are telling yourself, what you believe to be true (your own opinion) and what may be alternative scripts. Remove any fear by considering all of the potential scenarios and outcomes.
- Use your imagination: get creative and open your mind to all possibilities. Looking at a situation in a different way may lead to new ideas and solutions. Imagine each new possibility as a different pair of glasses that provide a different perspective on your situation. What if this is your lucky break?
- Make a choice to go positive: mindsets are a choice. Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to neutralize fear. Make a conscious effort to free yourself from fear and perceived limitations. Go ahead and choose the right pair of glasses, that perspective that feels right when “wearing it.”
There is always a point, along every journey, where you need to take stock of progress, a time to make changes or even quit altogether setting your sights on new goals. Sadly, it is often hard to know whether to continue trying or to quit and move on. There could be an ugly side to perseverance. We all know that person who is too stubborn for their own good. But oftentimes we just need to keep trying, to take what we have learned through experience, and try again. This time being wiser and more knowledgeable to be better positioned for success. Ultimately, it is the journey, not the destination, that really matters.
