The Donut Hole

A new client started our session saying that she feels like a donut, solid on the outside and hollow on the inside. She continued to share that she’d always been jealous of her friends who seem to love their jobs. She hasn’t, yet, found satisfaction in that area despite having tried different jobs and careers over the years. All her jobs to date were just means to an end leaving her uninspired and with a nagging feeling that whatever it was she was doing was not what she was meant to be doing, that there was something better out there. I keep hearing this sentiment that “job satisfaction has eluded me” and feeling “stuck in my life.” 

Assuming we accept the donut metaphor, we can definitely change the size of the hole, or how we handle it. The first step to take when feeling something is missing in our life is to reconnect with the joy, passion, and fun in our life, going back to the early dreams and joys of our youthful hearts. This conversation reminded me of a book about the Tarahumara tribe of Mexico I read a few years ago. In Born to Run, Christopher McDougall writes about running and the world’s greatest distance runners. What I remember about the book is the concept of doing something for the pure joy of doing it. The Tarahumaras run for the joy of running. And for those of us seeing life as a journey, the essence of it should be joy, not grinding our teeth powering through. When we don’t obsess over the small things such as speed, time and mileage, we can gain our footing, set our pace, and enjoy the experience. Allow yourself to ask and answer the following 2 questions: “what makes me joyful?” And “how can I have more of it in my life?”

The second step to take when feeling something is missing in our life is to find meaning and purpose. Another book that comes to mind is “Finding Calcutta” by Mary Poplin. While Mother Teresa is certainly an example of Christian love and charity, her teachings are relevant to everyone. We can all recognize and honor Mother Theresa for her humanitarian work and aspire to find our own Calcutta, our calling, our own meaningful work. We needn’t seek to necessarily do great things, but rather strive to do small things with great joy. Where can you find your Calcutta? Where do you feel you could be making the biggest impact?

If you have a dream of changing the path of your life, every minute you spend dreaming is a minute spent not actively pursuing it. When I coach people who feel stuck, I encourage them to first look inward to develop insight. Finding fulfillment is connecting with our purpose, our own mission of being. It means tapping into what gives us joy and finding a way of doing it in the world. For some, this secret dream is buried way down deep inside. Marcus Buckingham says “Now, Discover Your Strengths.” I say, first discover your dreams.

Second, hop on the train to the Land of Hopes and Dreams: recognize, seize and create opportunities to pursue and experience your dreams more fully. Research, evaluate, set targets, and create a plan to live out your dreams. But remember that there may bumps in the road, and things don’t always turn the way we expect them to. Be ready to step out of your comfort zone and be willing to keep trying new things. Listen to your inner voice or inner urge guiding you toward your true calling. And always push yourself beyond your comfort zone. As Steve Jobs said in the Stanford Commencement in 2005: “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.” 

What are your dreams? What is one small step you could take to move forward?