Past Actions, Present Standards, & Future Predictions

A historic summit between the leader of the Free World, and a brutal dictator presiding over the world’s most repressive country deciding to “leave the past behind.” Can someone who is responsible for the death of hundreds and the imprisonment of tens of thousands of North Koreans in labor camps have a “great personality?” Should he be invited to the White House? Should we ignore past actions and present behaviors in hope for a better future? It brings up those high school moral dilemmas where students are asked to discuss the reasons and possible solutions to situations like the Trolley Problem (turn the trolley onto the one to save the five), or the Heinz dilemma (steal the medicine to save the wife.) Should we engage with a tyrant to promote democracy and peace in the world?

I think it’s safe to say that most scientists studying human behavior would agree that past behavior is a good marker for future behavior. This is the premise behind behavioral interviewing. Employers have been hiring new team members for years based on interview answers to common behavioral questions believing that the best predictor of future performance is past behavior. I am not a psychologist nor a political analyst, but doesn’t it stand to reason that someone who is responsible for grave violations of international humanitarian law and the complete and utter rejection of democratic values and human rights would not be likely to change his stripes? Isn’t the summit essentially promoting the interests of countries like North Korea, China and Russia recognizing the legitimacy of governments infamous for their poor human rights record?

Or is it a brilliant tactic to “keep our enemies closer?” History teaches us that using force to spread democracy always fails and results in violent resistance. Despite the great efforts of the United States and the European Union to promote democracy, it is in retreat across the world: In China, in Russia, in the Arab world, in Africa, and in Latin America. Through past failures we can learn two important lessons. The first one is that there’s no quick and easy way to change how non-democratic governments relate to their citizens. The second is to avoid engaging in direct conflict with governments trampling on human rights and focus efforts on promoting stability and positive change. People are won more easily by gentle persuasion and flattery than by hostile confrontation. The path to success in the world of politics and in business is to position ourselves to win the battle before it even starts.

Inevitably, everyone encounters professional adversaries - people who compete with you for resources, who don’t follow through on commitments, who resort to dirty antics, and whose values you question and mistrust. Typically, confronting these people is an exercise in futility. They’ve cultivate their worldview, value-system, and attitudes through their own life experiences and thus are not likely to change. Ignoring these people is also likely to prove a bad career move as they tend to work behind your back to build alliances and support that can land you in a lot of trouble. A proven warfare strategy to deal with your work nemesis would be to keep them close and defeat them with kindness. Disarm them by doing the opposite of what is expected. The element of surprise will heighten your competitive advantage. Exert smart influence to get your opponents to help you. Forcing them into a Zero-sum game would never be as effective as working to create value through cooperation.

In sum, it is important to keep such work “enemies” close for the following reasons:

1. Keep them close to provide an early detection system: when you relate to the “real person” within your nemesis you can slowly build some trust but also detect warning signs of any surprise attack against you.
2. Keep them close to understand their interests and drive: gain insights to add to your store of knowledge. Creating your own Personal Knowledge Management (PKM) is a highly impactful practice to gather, classify, search and retrieve knowledge.
3. Keep them close to sharpen your own thinking and understanding: challenging people, challenging situations, and adversity push us into learning new things and new skills.
4. Keep them close to establish reciprocal benefits: learning to disagree agreeably can clear the path to reaching mutually beneficial solutions in pulling together resources to effectively network and collaborate.
5. Keep them close to promote them: finding ways to promote your enemy will send the message that you are focused on the greater good and are well above internal politics and in-fighting.

In general, worrying about how things might go wrong, doesn’t help things go right. So, when we are given the opportunity to proactively try and break a vicious cycle, we ought to accept the challenge of replacing the “worst case scenarios” based on past events with “best case scenarios” to anticipate and influence future outcomes.

 

 

“13 Reasons Why” – Continuing Onto the Workplace

I just finished binging the second season of “13 Reasons Why” last night. I believe season one was the most talked about show of 2017. It follows the bullying and harassment that lead to the suicide of Hannah Baker. The second season picks up in the aftermath of Hannah's death. Because the show touches on difficult and complex topics such as teenage substance abuse, bullying, harassment, sexual assault, rape, and suicide, it was almost too much to bear. Tragic. Upsetting. Heartbreaking. Although the story takes place in the fictional town of Crestmont, living in the Bay Area, it was easy to recognize many of the locations, so it felt almost too close to home. I became completely engrossed in the complicated and emotional storyline. And as a parent, I am so grateful my children have survived middle school and high school.

The show, and particularly the second season, has been criticized for its graphic depiction of violence and suicide. As hard as it was to watch, I commend the show for daring to shine a light in very dark places to confront us with the hard truth about American culture. As responsible adults we have to pay better attention and be prepared to address these very relevant social issues. Because you cannot watch the show without being left wondering about how prevalent are bullying and sexual harassment in our schools, in our workplaces, and in our culture? And if you follow the news, and the #MeToo social media campaign, then it seems all too clear that sexual harassment and assault are pervasive across all realms of life – in our schools, in the workplace, and in our communities. For generations, children have experienced bullying, abuse, and physical and sexual assault at school to become the adults still living these experiences when joining the workforce.

Federal law forbids sexual harassment and provides protection for employees under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. And many states have adopted laws and regulations which expressly prohibits sexual harassment. In 2004, California passed AB 1825 requiring employers with 50 or more employees to provide training on preventing and eliminating sexual harassment in the workplace. Employers have a legal responsibility to maintain a workplace that is free of bullying and sexual harassment. And yet, sexual harassment remains widespread across all industries and professions. It seems Harvey Weinstein’s downfall has opened the floodgates with many new stories coming to light on a daily basis. Sometimes a culture of harassment can persist for a quarter of a century as in the case of Ford’s Chicago Plants ‘The Daily’: Sexual Harassment at Ford. And let us not forget Susan Fowler whose Uber experience was a reminder that discrimination, bullying, and sexual harassment all also happen in Silicon Valley, the forefront of technology and innovation. Sexual misconduct is everywhere. One-fifth of American adults have experienced sexual harassment at work according to a CNBC Report.

A culture of pervasive harassment is a culture of enablers, a culture of silence. Offenders get away with improper behaviors when they are protected by the silence of those around them. Bystanders play a crucial role in acts of aggression allowing them to happen and become progressively worse when they say and do nothing. How do we win the war on bullying and sexual harassment? By not looking the other way, by breaking the code of silence. When we witness any inappropriate behaviors, we have a duty to call it out. Not taking a stand against bullying and harassment, choosing the safety of inaction, is like feeding the lion hoping it will eat you last. To make our workplaces safe for everyone we need to break the networks of silence and build communities of empowerment.

“The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything.” ~Albert Einstein

Ladies First: Inspiration Has No Gender

I am a sucker for a good rags-to-riches story, inspirational tales of the underdogs coming up on top against all odds, and especially when the rewards go to a deserving person. It is always good to be reminded that through determination, grit, and hard work, anyone can soar above the circumstances and achieve beyond their limits. It gives us hope of eventual triumph in our everyday garden-variety struggles. Coaching is all about inspiring action, helping others open up to new possibilities and supporting them as they seek to achieve success. It means that I must constantly look for the inspiration to become a better person, and a better coach. Over the years, I have learned to look for and find opportunities for inspiration all around me: in reading books and blogs, in watching movies, in motivational quotes, and in working with clients who inspire me on a daily basis. And this week, it was the Netflix sports documentary Ladies First.

The documentary tells the story of Deepika Kumari who was born into grinding poverty in Jharkhand, one of India’s poorest states. As a child she was scrounging around the fields in her village in search of food.  Archery was her ticket out to a better life. She worked and practiced incredibly hard, fighting tooth and nail to overcome her poor beginnings, and cultural odds, to become the best in her field. While her arrows go swift and far, her journey to elite world championships hasn’t been as straight as an arrow. It had many roadblocks, speed-bumps, and crossroads. Her first introduction to the sport that would go on to shape her life came at a young age using homemade bows and arrows and being creative in finding shooting targets in her rural surroundings. Despite her lack of training and poor physical conditioning, she talked her way into her first training academy, leaving home at the age of 12 to pursue a better future. With sheer determination, hard work, and willpower she became the number one archer in the world within four years. And yet, as a female athlete in India, she didn’t have adequate training and support to win an Olympic medal despite entering both the London Olympics in 2012 and the 2016 Rio Olympics as a top player. Fingers crossed that she’ll achieve her dream of being an Olympic gold medalist in Tokyo 2020.

But the true power of an inspirational story is to fuel the fire of enthusiasm in others, to motivate people to action. For me, it is about doing the deep dive into my life taking a closer look at where I am and asking myself truthfully whether there are areas in my life where I’d been selling myself short, playing small, instead of fighting to achieve all that I can. This is not about being frustrated with unreached goals; on the contrary, it’s all about appreciating all that life has given me but being inspired to do more and become more. It’s all too easy to get bogged down in the daily grind, managing responsibilities and life’s challenges – the “work & life load.” Finding inspiration can motivate us to keep progressing along the never-ending road to living a positive and meaningful life. Motivation and inspiration have no limits and no gender. We are all equally capable of exploring our own potential. So, when you come across an inspiring story remember to apply it inward to inspire your choices and actions.

But don’t just wait for inspiration, actively look for it and use it to push yourself into new areas. You don’t have to step out of your comfort zone, just to keep expanding it. Aspire to broaden your repertoire of ideas, choices, and actions to release your potential and fully use your talents, skills, and abilities. Don’t let circumstances and lack of resources limit your options. Find a way to creatively utilize all that you do have (the “homemade bows and arrows” in your arsenal) to pursue your goals and transform your life. I have discovered that this works best if I tackle one goal at a time. It is when I try to do too much, juggling too many balls in the air, that I start to lose momentum. When I stop trying to do everything, spending my energy all over the place, I find I can master most anything. The principle of success is focus. Start small, take baby steps, and build on small successes. And it certainly helps to actively make an effort to keep a sense of excitement and enthusiasm. Being positive and believing that awesome things are coming your way can help you create, identify, and act upon the chance opportunities when they present themselves. Springtime is the perfect time to try new things. May you find and spread inspiration everywhere you go.

Self-Advocacy: The Confidence to Ask for What You Want

Having trouble advocating for yourself? Does your incredible work go unrewarded while others who seem to be doing less appear to be getting more of the pie? I have been thinking about this a lot lately, working with many people and observing how asking for things comes very naturally to some while others dread asking for the things they need to thrive at work. Those who dare not ask aren’t less talented nor are they poorer performers; on the contrary, I often find them to be superior performers who diligently attend to details and pursue excellence in delivering on their commitments, and far beyond. I believe it all comes down to self-advocacy: knowing yourself, understanding your needs, and having the confidence to ask for what you want. Modern work life requires self-management, working diligently and efficiently with little supervision. This principle, in an indirect way, may mean that at times hard work and efforts go unnoticed and overlooked.

In my experience, top performers are those who derive satisfaction from the work itself. They always enthusiastically seek out new challenges striving to put quality into everything they do and to drive innovative improvements. With the power to self-manage comes the responsibility to realize potential and maximize growth on the job. One of the most critical career success skills is adopting a confident way of influencing others up and down the proverbial ladder to make things happen. In the modern workplace, we are all always advocating for something – ideas, solutions, approach, actions to be taken, etc. The old saying is very true: “if you don’t ask, you do not receive.” We need to own our advancement and get savvy pitching for greater responsibilities, a promotion, or a raise. And yet for most, asking for things is not a strength and doesn’t come easy.

My grandmother used to say that those who give the best of themselves get the best from others. I've found that this is not always the case. In our crazy busy world of work, most people would rarely do things for others unless they are specifically asked for what is needed from them. Even good managers and leaders may not be very good at getting their teams the resources they need, or advocate for them, and thus, employees need to strategically manage both their work and their careers. It has become incredibly important for employees to ask for the resources, the roles, and the monetary rewards to proactively drive their career development and advancement.

Asking for what we need is a critical leadership skill, but it needs to be preceded by meticulous planning; not the half-hearted attempt kind but rather the full-fledged researched, planned, and executed process. So that when the opportunity presents itself, you are prepared to communicate the request in a confident and positive way. It is important to note that excelling on the job also entails building a powerful professional network on the job. It is critical to surviving organizational changes and restructuring as well as long-term career advancement. When you have clarity as to what you need, start weaving it into business discussions in order to plant the seed and strategically position yourself for the next step. The more conversations you have, the better you prepare the ground for buy-in and achieving your goal.

Marketing oneself with confidence is not easy. It took me a long time to feel confident asking for the roles I knew I was qualified for and the compensation I knew I deserved. Nothing ever was given to me without me asking for it and making the case for it. I truly believe that throughout our careers, we must be our own advocate and speak up when we want to pursue a stretch role, a promotion, or a pay raise. Building self-advocacy and influencing skills takes time and is a dynamic and never-ending process. We must proactively accept the responsibility to drive our own professional growth. There’s no one else whose job is to look out for our own interests. It is your responsibility to figure out where you want to go, what you need to get there, and to ask for it. And always with the understanding that any time you ask for something, the answer might be "no" or that you’d be getting less than what you feel is merited. And when the answer is “no” use the disappointment as fuel to your future success. See When the Answer is “No.”

You can wait and ask the Universe for the things you want, but ultimately, you get what you want when you are ready to ask for it.

GSD: Do What Matters

I feel particularly privileged to make a living having great conversations with smart people. Today, a client shared a pet peeve about her boss who finishes every team meeting and every email to the team with “Let’s get s**t done!” or “Let’s GSD!” Now, this client is one of the most ambitious and focused people I know, and yet, she says that despite always being busy, when she looks back at each day and her weeks, she does “a lot of s**t” that doesn’t matter. She feels like she can’t seem to stop wasting time on things that don’t really add value to her work, or her life for that matter. Her boss’ battle cry does nothing to actually prioritize what s**t really matters. It’s like telling a new manager “just be a good leader” without defining what being a leader means. We live in an extremely noisy world. Often, we feel overwhelmingly busy while the results we are seeking end up being underwhelming, or even disappointing, in terms of the investment of our time and efforts. Being very busy at work is like running through an obstacle course covered in mud from head to toe. It can still be great fun, but our pace will be much slower than normal, and we become progressively less steady on our feet as we continue to run along.

In my experience, people can’t be divided into just two categories of “productive” or “unproductive,” “rockstars” or “slackers,” “A players” or “C players.” We all have the potential to be top performers, and when we don’t perform up to our potential, or are ineffective, it can most likely be attributed to either the work environment or personal routines. To really do what matters, we need to focus on a narrow sphere of attention and activity. And here’s the million-dollar-question: “what matters?” Although it sounds simple, defining objectives and setting priorities is where people repeatedly mess up. Unfortunately, there’s no magic formula to success. It is our habits and routines that enable us to improve over time through consistent repetition and gaining experience. When we get in the habit of checking-in inwards to honestly identify the things that cause us to be unproductive, we can then develop new habits and build new guardrails to become more effective. There’s no one-size-fits-all style of GSD. One of my favorite methods for keeping attention on and doing what matters is Warren Buffett’s 25-5 Rule. This is a 3-step process to determine priorities and actions. Here’s how it works:

1. List 25 things you need to accomplish (every day/week/month/year/next 3 years.)
2. Carefully consider your list and circle the top five that you most urgently want to get done.
3. Spend all your time and energy on these 5 items and ignore the other 20.

As you can imagine, and I can confirm from my own experience, step number three is where we have our work cut out for us if we want to stay focused throughout our day. No action is energy-neutral. Everything we do, or think about, requires a certain amount of emotional investment and focus. Our challenge is to ruthlessly eliminate the things that do not contribute to our top 5 list. I love this practice because it forces me to make the tough choices to only focus on what would be a great use of my time. Trust me, I could easily rationalize spending time on those things that would be a good use of my time but would still derail my efforts. Picking the top 5 priorities is making a commitment to direct all my efforts and energy toward specific goals. Secondary goals are the biggest challenge, the biggest distraction. To keep focus, along with each priority on our top-5 list, we need to write down our goal in specific and measurable action words. This helps maintain focus on what is important and track progress by figuring out what really works in light of real improvement. Personally, it is only through tracking numbers that I know I am getting better and closer to reaching a goal. For example, it is only when I started tracking my habit of reading 20 minutes of nonfiction every day, that I was able to read one business book a week. I love reading, but I tend to read novels, and so I needed to find a way to expand my reading list to increase my business acumen.

I will not go as far as Zig Ziglar to say that distractions are the enemy of greatness; however, I think we can all agree that they do erode the greatest of plans and the best of intentions. And there’s no way to cut them out of our life. We all have to-do lists running a mile long of trivial things that need to get done like driving kids to school, or trimming the dog’s nails. But we can still be very selective about what we set to accomplish each and every day by setting aside 5 important tasks to complete correlated to our top 5 priorities. While we may have no control over the unexpected, we must own our planned tasks and activities. Here’s a life hack to master the 25-5 rule:

1. Like the Jewish holidays, productivity starts the night before: at the end of the day, visualize the next day being a great day and set the five most important tasks to be completed come hail or high water.
2. Begin every day as if it were your birthday: bounce out of bed ready to conquer the world. Make sure you plan something to be excited about and look forward to waking up in the morning, for me it’s my 20 minutes of yoga to John Denver’s songs. What gets you excited to get out of bed? As you get moving, keep your focus on what matters with the intention of doing it.
3. Astonish yourself: as you go through your day, seek out something new and extraordinary to connect with the world at a deeper level. This will stop you from sleepwalking through your day and shake you to observe the world with curiosity rather than preconceived certainties. And thus, you’ll be more likely to make creative breakthroughs as you work towards your goals.

In sum, to GSD: first focus on your own s**t, then choose the top 5 things that you want, make a plan to keep your priorities straight, and keep working it every single day.