Self-Advocacy: The Confidence to Ask for What You Want

Having trouble advocating for yourself? Does your incredible work go unrewarded while others who seem to be doing less appear to be getting more of the pie? I have been thinking about this a lot lately, working with many people and observing how asking for things comes very naturally to some while others dread asking for the things they need to thrive at work. Those who dare not ask aren’t less talented nor are they poorer performers; on the contrary, I often find them to be superior performers who diligently attend to details and pursue excellence in delivering on their commitments, and far beyond. I believe it all comes down to self-advocacy: knowing yourself, understanding your needs, and having the confidence to ask for what you want. Modern work life requires self-management, working diligently and efficiently with little supervision. This principle, in an indirect way, may mean that at times hard work and efforts go unnoticed and overlooked.

In my experience, top performers are those who derive satisfaction from the work itself. They always enthusiastically seek out new challenges striving to put quality into everything they do and to drive innovative improvements. With the power to self-manage comes the responsibility to realize potential and maximize growth on the job. One of the most critical career success skills is adopting a confident way of influencing others up and down the proverbial ladder to make things happen. In the modern workplace, we are all always advocating for something – ideas, solutions, approach, actions to be taken, etc. The old saying is very true: “if you don’t ask, you do not receive.” We need to own our advancement and get savvy pitching for greater responsibilities, a promotion, or a raise. And yet for most, asking for things is not a strength and doesn’t come easy.

My grandmother used to say that those who give the best of themselves get the best from others. I've found that this is not always the case. In our crazy busy world of work, most people would rarely do things for others unless they are specifically asked for what is needed from them. Even good managers and leaders may not be very good at getting their teams the resources they need, or advocate for them, and thus, employees need to strategically manage both their work and their careers. It has become incredibly important for employees to ask for the resources, the roles, and the monetary rewards to proactively drive their career development and advancement.

Asking for what we need is a critical leadership skill, but it needs to be preceded by meticulous planning; not the half-hearted attempt kind but rather the full-fledged researched, planned, and executed process. So that when the opportunity presents itself, you are prepared to communicate the request in a confident and positive way. It is important to note that excelling on the job also entails building a powerful professional network on the job. It is critical to surviving organizational changes and restructuring as well as long-term career advancement. When you have clarity as to what you need, start weaving it into business discussions in order to plant the seed and strategically position yourself for the next step. The more conversations you have, the better you prepare the ground for buy-in and achieving your goal.

Marketing oneself with confidence is not easy. It took me a long time to feel confident asking for the roles I knew I was qualified for and the compensation I knew I deserved. Nothing ever was given to me without me asking for it and making the case for it. I truly believe that throughout our careers, we must be our own advocate and speak up when we want to pursue a stretch role, a promotion, or a pay raise. Building self-advocacy and influencing skills takes time and is a dynamic and never-ending process. We must proactively accept the responsibility to drive our own professional growth. There’s no one else whose job is to look out for our own interests. It is your responsibility to figure out where you want to go, what you need to get there, and to ask for it. And always with the understanding that any time you ask for something, the answer might be "no" or that you’d be getting less than what you feel is merited. And when the answer is “no” use the disappointment as fuel to your future success. See When the Answer is “No.”

You can wait and ask the Universe for the things you want, but ultimately, you get what you want when you are ready to ask for it.

GSD: Do What Matters

I feel particularly privileged to make a living having great conversations with smart people. Today, a client shared a pet peeve about her boss who finishes every team meeting and every email to the team with “Let’s get s**t done!” or “Let’s GSD!” Now, this client is one of the most ambitious and focused people I know, and yet, she says that despite always being busy, when she looks back at each day and her weeks, she does “a lot of s**t” that doesn’t matter. She feels like she can’t seem to stop wasting time on things that don’t really add value to her work, or her life for that matter. Her boss’ battle cry does nothing to actually prioritize what s**t really matters. It’s like telling a new manager “just be a good leader” without defining what being a leader means. We live in an extremely noisy world. Often, we feel overwhelmingly busy while the results we are seeking end up being underwhelming, or even disappointing, in terms of the investment of our time and efforts. Being very busy at work is like running through an obstacle course covered in mud from head to toe. It can still be great fun, but our pace will be much slower than normal, and we become progressively less steady on our feet as we continue to run along.

In my experience, people can’t be divided into just two categories of “productive” or “unproductive,” “rockstars” or “slackers,” “A players” or “C players.” We all have the potential to be top performers, and when we don’t perform up to our potential, or are ineffective, it can most likely be attributed to either the work environment or personal routines. To really do what matters, we need to focus on a narrow sphere of attention and activity. And here’s the million-dollar-question: “what matters?” Although it sounds simple, defining objectives and setting priorities is where people repeatedly mess up. Unfortunately, there’s no magic formula to success. It is our habits and routines that enable us to improve over time through consistent repetition and gaining experience. When we get in the habit of checking-in inwards to honestly identify the things that cause us to be unproductive, we can then develop new habits and build new guardrails to become more effective. There’s no one-size-fits-all style of GSD. One of my favorite methods for keeping attention on and doing what matters is Warren Buffett’s 25-5 Rule. This is a 3-step process to determine priorities and actions. Here’s how it works:

1. List 25 things you need to accomplish (every day/week/month/year/next 3 years.)
2. Carefully consider your list and circle the top five that you most urgently want to get done.
3. Spend all your time and energy on these 5 items and ignore the other 20.

As you can imagine, and I can confirm from my own experience, step number three is where we have our work cut out for us if we want to stay focused throughout our day. No action is energy-neutral. Everything we do, or think about, requires a certain amount of emotional investment and focus. Our challenge is to ruthlessly eliminate the things that do not contribute to our top 5 list. I love this practice because it forces me to make the tough choices to only focus on what would be a great use of my time. Trust me, I could easily rationalize spending time on those things that would be a good use of my time but would still derail my efforts. Picking the top 5 priorities is making a commitment to direct all my efforts and energy toward specific goals. Secondary goals are the biggest challenge, the biggest distraction. To keep focus, along with each priority on our top-5 list, we need to write down our goal in specific and measurable action words. This helps maintain focus on what is important and track progress by figuring out what really works in light of real improvement. Personally, it is only through tracking numbers that I know I am getting better and closer to reaching a goal. For example, it is only when I started tracking my habit of reading 20 minutes of nonfiction every day, that I was able to read one business book a week. I love reading, but I tend to read novels, and so I needed to find a way to expand my reading list to increase my business acumen.

I will not go as far as Zig Ziglar to say that distractions are the enemy of greatness; however, I think we can all agree that they do erode the greatest of plans and the best of intentions. And there’s no way to cut them out of our life. We all have to-do lists running a mile long of trivial things that need to get done like driving kids to school, or trimming the dog’s nails. But we can still be very selective about what we set to accomplish each and every day by setting aside 5 important tasks to complete correlated to our top 5 priorities. While we may have no control over the unexpected, we must own our planned tasks and activities. Here’s a life hack to master the 25-5 rule:

1. Like the Jewish holidays, productivity starts the night before: at the end of the day, visualize the next day being a great day and set the five most important tasks to be completed come hail or high water.
2. Begin every day as if it were your birthday: bounce out of bed ready to conquer the world. Make sure you plan something to be excited about and look forward to waking up in the morning, for me it’s my 20 minutes of yoga to John Denver’s songs. What gets you excited to get out of bed? As you get moving, keep your focus on what matters with the intention of doing it.
3. Astonish yourself: as you go through your day, seek out something new and extraordinary to connect with the world at a deeper level. This will stop you from sleepwalking through your day and shake you to observe the world with curiosity rather than preconceived certainties. And thus, you’ll be more likely to make creative breakthroughs as you work towards your goals.

In sum, to GSD: first focus on your own s**t, then choose the top 5 things that you want, make a plan to keep your priorities straight, and keep working it every single day.

When the Answer is “No”

Have you ever experienced a toddler’s wicked temper tantrum? Yes, that melt-down all parents dread when their little angel turns into a red-faced monster kicking and screaming on the floor. These unfortunate incidents typically happen when children do not get what they want. And they usually happen at the worst possible time and in public places. Learning to accept “no” and delay gratification is a necessary part of growing up. Yet, even as adults when we ask for something we want, or feel we deserve, and get a “no”, we are likely to experience strong negative feelings. “I want it now” is a powerful emotion. While, hopefully, by adulthood we’ve learned to control the emotions and impulses we express outwardly, when strong emotions are evoked, our inner child may be screaming and kicking inwardly. But as unpleasant as being turned down is, it is part of life, a part of everyone’s professional experience if they work long enough.

Rejections are a common hurt we experience in our work life: the deal NOT closed, the interview NOT landed, the job NOT offered, the promotion NOT gotten, the raise NOT granted, and the job recognition NOT expressed. Whether small or large, rejection stings. Growing up in Israel, a country blessed with a spectacular coastline, I can say with confidence that nothing ruins a summer day at the beach faster than a jellyfish sting. Similarly, nothing ruins a good day on the job faster than the full sting of rejection. Now, no one willingly seeks out rejection. But achievement always involves taking chances. Professional growth requires the willingness to be vulnerable, to fully embrace the fact that putting ourselves out there we never know what we’ll get in return – acceptance or rejection, wishes come true, or plans fall through. One of my elementary school teachers used to tell our class that we had to always try and reach for the moon so that if we fail, we’d still be falling through the stars. Achievers thrive on rejection; it is the fuel that drives their motivation to succeed. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable is a great element of success. When we want to have things, or wish to do things, we must open ourselves to a plethora of emotions that come with both struggle and satisfaction and joy as well as pain. Additionally, we need to be willing to stand out there in the cold, right underneath the glaring streetlight, and knock on opportunity’s door long enough and loud enough until it is opened for us. Trying to avoid pain will hurt us in the long run. We cannot get to the top of the mountain unless we are willing to schlep some baggage along, literal and emotional.

Here’s the simple truth, to master anything we have to first master the art of rejection. A few years ago, because of my perfectionistic tendencies, and after a heartbreaking dream job rejection, I was challenged by a friend to play Rejection Therapy. The game has only one rule: to get rejected every day for 30 consecutive days. She diligently made us a “dare” card for each day of the month to push our personal boundaries and face the fear (and embarrassment) of venturing beyond them. I took the challenge and failed; meaning I aced the game. For a whole month my life was full of rejection (as an overachiever, I took on bonus challenges.) As it turned out, rejection had been a blast. Of course, real rejection when it really matters really sucks. But by desensitizing the fear and pain associated with rejection, I could train myself to handle it in a productive manner. If I’ve learned anything from a month of being rejected every day, it’s that things rarely went the way I imagined they would, and nothing silly I did mattered all that much. Since then, I try to challenge myself to do something scary, embarrassing, or silly at least every couple of days as a reminder to self to never pass up something important to me because of fear of embarrassment, criticism, rejection, or failure. Not convinced? Check out this little gem of a talk about rejection by Laurie Petrou.

Here are three productive steps to handle rejection like a pro:

1.    Acknowledge the emotions

Feelings are complicated. Recognize the fear, pain, disappointment, sadness, and anger in all their illogical power and hold over you. Sit with your negative feelings, cuddle them, and pay your respects. Then let go and replace them with positive ones, one negative thought at a time.

2.    Push through the discomfort

Widen your lens to the bigger perspective and re-focus your attention on the bigger picture beyond the temporary set-back. The art of living means pushing the boundaries by continuously reaching out for new experiences and new possibilities outside your comfort zone. You know you are putting yourself out there pushing yourself to your limits when you get turned down.

3.    Discover the wisdom

Rejection can be a good teacher. Be sure to ask good questions and learn as much as you can about what happened in order to learn the applicable life lessons. Turn the “no” into an opportunity for self-growth, to keep moving forward with more wisdom and go to new levels of challenges and skills.

Rejection is an invitation to do self-inventory. Think back on your life. Isn’t it true that many times when you thought you were denied something you wanted, with the perspective of time, you came to realize you were directed to something you needed? I know that this is true for me. Those times when rejection was a tough pill to swallow were merely an early “no” forcing me to find the “yes” in the mess, the opportunities in disguise. If we try to shield ourselves from disappointment, we’d be denying ourselves the joy of the discovery of our value proposition, a creative process that will always leave us stronger, smarter, and having a firm grasp on who we are and what we have to offer.

If you are currently experiencing rejection at work, I hope the following quote will guide you towards success: “Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.”    ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

The Climb: Redefining the Possible

Today is the last day of the month, and as January rolls into February, I am finding myself pulled back into the New Year mindset. The beginning of the year is the most hopeful time of the year. It’s when we tend to feel a blaze of optimism that we can turn ourselves into happier and more successful people. I love New Year’s resolutions and the energy and enthusiasm that propel us to dream big, set goals and believe we can achieve them. Expecting great things to happen is such a wonderful feeling, and hope is contagious. This year, however, I actually gave myself permission to free myself of big lofty goals to be able to uncover new possibilities and options. The wear and tear of the past eighteen months of starting a new business called for a change of strategy. I started 2018 with no big, lofty goals other than to fully enjoy the journey of self-discovery. For the first time in my life, I made a conscious choice to just let things unfold and trust that what I am looking for will naturally find me. I decided to keep pursuing the path of my choice but in a gentler way to let things happen rather than try to make them happen, to try and attract opportunities rather than actively chase them. Instead of attempting to forcefully create change by defining specific outcomes, I resolved to just keep on doing all that is possible with the means that I have and let the universe do her thing, trusting that the best is yet to come.

And yet, I feel the universe did send me a message. Searching Netflix for a movie to watch on the treadmill, I came across The Climb, or in French L’Ascension. The film is based on the true story of Nadir Dendoune who climbed Mount Everest and reached the summit without any prior climbing experience and no preparation to speak of (other than falsifying his documentation claiming he’d climbed both Mont Blanc and Kilimanjaro.) I enjoyed the movie even though it’s not a very good movie because watching it challenged me to reflect on goal- setting and my definition of what is truly possible. To comprehend what an incredible achievement this was, check out Everest statistics. I wish I could read Dendoune’s book about his experience: "Un tocard sur le toit du monde", I believe roughly translates to A Loser on Top of the World (pardon my French.) The book is available on Amazon, but only in French. Since I can’t read the book, I can only draw on my imagination to try and grasp Dendoune’s tale of adventure and let it open my mind and inspire my soul to new possibilities.

No worries, I am not setting out to Nepal to climb Mount Everest any time soon, or ever, but I am left feeling that perhaps I need to push myself to be more daring when it comes to my goals for the coming year. Dendoune’s amazing triumph is proof that the impossible can become possible, that in imagining something we can achieve it. Like a Nike ad, how do we make the impossible happen? We just do it! Our outcomes are empowered or limited by what we believe – whether we think we can or cannot, we are right. The concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy has merited many studies, analyses, interpretations, and discussions. The limits of what we define as possible can be re-defined by pushing ourselves beyond them into the realm of the impossible. But how can we extend our own limits to achieve things we haven’t yet realized we are capable of? I believe that optimism is at the heart of the matter, the emotional capability to maintain a sense of hopefulness (as opposed to feeling powerless and helpless) determines our ability to push beyond the circumstances and what we are normally capable of.

Moreover, great achievements have more to them than just creating the right mindset for success. Staying motivated to keep taking consistent action requires clarity about what we want, what is deeply meaningful to us. I believe that “mind over matter,” the willpower to persist and follow through with what we set out to accomplish, correlates to the value we assign to the goal we pursue, the “why” of our endeavor. When our goal is personally meaningful; i.e.; authentic to our values, we are likely to pull out all the stops to achieve it.

So, what is my lesson learned from The Climb? To look deep inside and not short myself of the chance to find the change that I really want to make this year. My “why” may not resonate for anyone else, but as long as something is really important and truly motivational to me, it would allow me to keep making intentional choices to keep going and power through challenges, to push myself a little harder, dig deeper and give more.

What is your mountain to climb in 2018?

Failing Forward: Moving Beyond “Why Bother” to Trying Harder

When trying out new things risk is very real whereas fear of failure is a choice. Hiking is a longtime hobby of mine. Nature and mountains are the fuel that drives my heart. But passion is not enough. You do not climb a mountain without being fit, without being prepared, or without taking any risks. Accidents do happen. Despite being a hiking nutcase with a lot of experience and many miles under my belt, I still suffer that moment of trepidation looking up the mountain before starting the climb. However, not trying, choosing to fail in advance, would be to deny myself the experience. I start the hike knowing that no matter how difficult it proves to be, there will be a path to the summit. My challenge is never the mountain; it is myself. Following dreams and pursuing goals are not unlike climbing a big mountain. We need to pass the potholes and the pebbles on our path to reach our destination.

One of the greatest challenges of any cross in the road is self-doubt, that creepy, crawly monster that worms its way to our brain whenever we feel that yearning to chase a dream. It’s scary stuff. It seems there’s obvious high positive correlation between the fear factor and desire – the more we want something the more we fear failure. Failing at something that we care deeply about can be devastating. And so, as a defense mechanism against disappointment, the brain automatically seeks to go to that dark place of the “no way, fat chance, & why even bother” as soon as an incredible opportunity presents itself. It is the brain’s job to create thoughts and narratives. But these are not facts and not an accurate prediction of real world outcomes. Our hope is in reminding ourselves that the other side of fear is success. The key question we should always ask ourselves is: “would I rather try and fail than fail to try?” We waste a lot of mental energy trying to figure out how to avoid failing instead of going in trusting that failures will turn into lessons, and the knowledge we acquire along the way will make us stronger and better.

Another challenge is that it is sometimes easier to focus on the negative events while failing to recognize the positive ones (instead of celebrating landing a new client I was beating myself up about bombing the presentation.) This tendency is a famous psychological phenomenon called headwinds and tailwinds, feeling we face more headwinds, obstacles, than others while undervaluing the tailwinds, the benefits, we receive. Overcoming obstacles requires mental strength and energy. But it is easy to lose sight of and to take the many privileges and benefits in our life for granted. Challenges and failures are required to achieve goals and meaningful growth. In the face of setbacks and when feeling defeated, the only way forward is to embrace negative emotions like fear, pessimism, and insecurity as the pathway into our full potential. Being grateful for both the headwinds and the tailwinds can help us refocus on the ultimate goal. A roadblock is an opportunity to figure out a way around it to plow ahead in a new and creative way.

So, when opportunity knocks and you find yourself afraid of failure, choosing to fail ahead rather than set your goal and move forward, re-engage and choose the mindset to positively reframe your thoughts. Here’s how:

1. Perform a reality check: take a step back and look at the story you are telling yourself, what you believe to be true (your own opinion) and what may be alternative scripts. Remove any fear by considering all of the potential scenarios and outcomes.
2. Use your imagination: get creative and open your mind to all possibilities. Looking at a situation in a different way may lead to new ideas and solutions. Imagine each new possibility as a different pair of glasses that provide a different perspective on your situation.  What if this is your lucky break?
3. Make a choice to go positive: mindsets are a choice. Positive thinking is an incredibly powerful way to neutralize fear. Make a conscious effort to free yourself from fear and perceived limitations. Go ahead and choose the right pair of glasses, that perspective that feels right when “wearing it.”

There is always a point, along every journey, where you need to take stock of progress, a time to make changes or even quit altogether setting your sights on new goals. Sadly, it is often hard to know whether to continue trying or to quit and move on. There could be an ugly side to perseverance. We all know that person who is too stubborn for their own good. But oftentimes we just need to keep trying, to take what we have learned through experience, and try again. This time being wiser and more knowledgeable to be better positioned for success. Ultimately, it is the journey, not the destination, that really matters.

Trying to Make Sense of the Senseless

It is Tuesday afternoon, and I am writing this blog post from the 34th floor of the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino. I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am at the same hotel where less than 48 hours ago one man committed the worst mass shooting in U.S. history. The depravity and immensity of the killings are incomprehensible. Our hearts go out to the victims and those who were directly impacted, but at some level we all carry the trauma as our sense of safety and decency is shattered disrupting the normalcy of our life. How do we make sense of human depravity? How do we come to terms with the fact that something is terribly wrong with our culture festering with unhappy souls and mass murderers? How can we trust that humanity and goodness will prevail?

Carolyn Goodman, the Mayor of Las Vegas, put it eloquently in her statement: "The act and insanity of a madman shall not define us or keep us from living whole and meaningful lives with pride in our shared humanity.” The only way forward is to not let evil defeat us. There is comfort in returning to “normal” – to routine, schedules, and structure. When talking to my clients who live and work in Las Vegas about cancelling my trip this week and rescheduling the meetings, their message was unequivocal repeatedly saying how important it is to conduct business as usual. But while the mind knows, the heart is grieving. There is no way to make sense of the senseless. But there is a way to keep going taking one scared step at a time. And so, I packed my bags and hit the road this morning. The plane from SFO to McCarran Airport was completely full. But the mood was somber. Upon arrival, it definitely feels like a dark cloud is hanging over the city. Everything seems muted and people look sad and deflated. It’s the strange reality of moving on, of trying to maintain business-as-usual. It is too soon for things to get back to normal, but everyone is making a great effort to do so.

As I am winding down from my work day, I recognize that I made the right decision to be here, to focus on the good I can do in the world and to keep living a meaningful life. Those are the things that actually make sense. We may not be able to stop bad things from happening around us, but we can live by our values and be a positive force within our communities. When the dark side of humanity rears its ugly head, we can take action to build a better world. As a long-distance hiker, I know how important it is to keep focused on the mission at hand and the path beyond the road block, the future beyond the immediate crisis. If we remain true to our core values, we will prevail.

I’ve been asked numerous times today to share my thoughts on moving forward. Here are my 3 tips on how to cope with the overwhelming tragedy of the Las Vegas shootings:

1. Maintain the structure of your normal routine of work and activities
2. Maintain personal contact. Reach out to family, friends, and your community.
3. Maintain goodness. Find a way to help.

I am an avid reader who often turns to literature for answers, so I also found the following LA Times article listing 9 books about mass shootings helpful.

While still trying to process the events of Sunday night and maintain business-as-usual work ethic, my heart goes out to all those affected by the atrocious act of violence.

In the wake of so much suffering, may our collective grief be a force of change, healing and peace.

 

 

Idea Meritocracy: Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

The Jewish New Year and high holidays began last week. Despite not being religious, this time of year has me look back, take stock of the past and identify areas of improvement for the coming year. Many of the holiday messages I’ve received included wishes for peace. And it got me thinking more deeply about what peace means to me, especially as we are experiencing a surge of intolerance, and intense divisions. In my line of work I help clients form effective strategies to respond to different kinds and layers of conflict on the job. It’s part of the nature of work that contention and discord occur. As a career coach, a working professional, and a social human being, I know the feeling of distress when things don’t go well. When conflict arises, we typically expect to be given the benefit of the doubt while we fail to extend the same courtesy to others.

As an old mentor used to say “life is short, but there’s always enough time for courtesy.” Courtesy means treating others with respect and being gentle and kind in our communications. It doesn’t mean keeping quiet and not sharing our perspective. It’s about looking for a way to bring people together rather than cause ill will and divisiveness. Another of my mentor’s nuggets of wisdom is adopting the “Most Respectful Interpretation” (MRI) approach in a time of controversy. As a first step, always be asking “what might be a more positive interpretation of the person’s actions or words?” Get curious about what might have prompted a particular behavior trying to interpret it in a new way assuming the best of intentions.

We tend to make a lot of assumptions about other people’s behavior. It’s human nature. For example, if someone makes a rude comment in a meeting, our go-to response is to take it personally and assume that the person is deliberately insensitive and disrespectful and thus we react with anger and frustration. However, what if we change the story assuming there’s a good reason for the behavior, e.g. the person is having a really bad day?  Since we don’t know the real story, why not change our interpretation to a more favorable and compassionate opinion? And in thinking about peace, conflict and competing propositions, it occurred to me that this phenomenon may explain why achieving idea meritocracy in the workplace is so difficult. Open debate and directness can create a very stressful work environment.

It is easy to promote sharing of ideas and theoretical discussions as an intellectual exercise; however, it is much more challenging in pursuing practical application and when people have an emotional interest in the outcome. High stakes bring high emotions. I think the worst career advice I ever got was from an old boss telling our team to always check our emotions at the door coming into the office. Whenever he said or did something inconsiderate he’d preface the insult with “it’s not personal, it’s business.” I believe the idea of “strictly business” is a fallacy. To build a work environment of sincerity and trust in business interactions, we must first acknowledge the fact that interpersonal relationships are inherently emotional, and disagreements are a stressful experience. Since we work with people, and not robots, to “get stuff done” we need to take the time to build rapport and trust. This can only be done when we care about other people, show respect to who they are, and try to understand their motivations.

Effective discussions and decision-making require attunement to our own emotions as well as those of others. To show good judgment and make good decisions, we need to be able to address emotions and channel them in the right direction. Make no mistake; the workplace is an emotional warzone where warring tribes compete for scarce resources such as territory (advancing up the proverbial totem pole), recognition, and rewards. Everyone wants the bigger piece of the pie. And thus to have a real idea meritocracy is complicated and complex. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, physical safety comes first, but as we progress to higher level growth needs, we seek psychological security such as status, prestige, and respect from others. This is when things get tricky. We tend to feel “safe” around people who are similar to us. Differences often trigger complex emotions and reactions. To create a culture where the best ideas always win, we need to be willing to get uncomfortable, to embrace the notion that we are a part of a whole working towards best possible outcomes.

Diversity and inclusion are integral to outstanding performance. But for teams to thrive and best ideas to win, we need to overcome our defensive instincts when we encounter the unknown and the unfamiliar and learn to embrace different perspectives. This is easier to do when we assume that people want to do the right thing and are doing the best they can. It is really as simple as taking the time to listen and putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We do not need to like the person or want to be his or her best friend to adopt the mindset of generous and respectful assumption of intentions, especially when things don’t make sense to us or are in conflict with what we believe to be true. When we assume positive intent and don’t get distracted trying to guess other people’s motives, we become free to focus on the work and the merit of ideas. 

My (Jewish) New Year’s resolution is to get better at choosing the Most Respectful Interpretation (MRI). I will strive to keep my mind open to different perspectives and explore them with an open heart.