Idea Meritocracy: Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

The Jewish New Year and high holidays began last week. Despite not being religious, this time of year has me look back, take stock of the past and identify areas of improvement for the coming year. Many of the holiday messages I’ve received included wishes for peace. And it got me thinking more deeply about what peace means to me, especially as we are experiencing a surge of intolerance, and intense divisions. In my line of work I help clients form effective strategies to respond to different kinds and layers of conflict on the job. It’s part of the nature of work that contention and discord occur. As a career coach, a working professional, and a social human being, I know the feeling of distress when things don’t go well. When conflict arises, we typically expect to be given the benefit of the doubt while we fail to extend the same courtesy to others.

As an old mentor used to say “life is short, but there’s always enough time for courtesy.” Courtesy means treating others with respect and being gentle and kind in our communications. It doesn’t mean keeping quiet and not sharing our perspective. It’s about looking for a way to bring people together rather than cause ill will and divisiveness. Another of my mentor’s nuggets of wisdom is adopting the “Most Respectful Interpretation” (MRI) approach in a time of controversy. As a first step, always be asking “what might be a more positive interpretation of the person’s actions or words?” Get curious about what might have prompted a particular behavior trying to interpret it in a new way assuming the best of intentions.

We tend to make a lot of assumptions about other people’s behavior. It’s human nature. For example, if someone makes a rude comment in a meeting, our go-to response is to take it personally and assume that the person is deliberately insensitive and disrespectful and thus we react with anger and frustration. However, what if we change the story assuming there’s a good reason for the behavior, e.g. the person is having a really bad day?  Since we don’t know the real story, why not change our interpretation to a more favorable and compassionate opinion? And in thinking about peace, conflict and competing propositions, it occurred to me that this phenomenon may explain why achieving idea meritocracy in the workplace is so difficult. Open debate and directness can create a very stressful work environment.

It is easy to promote sharing of ideas and theoretical discussions as an intellectual exercise; however, it is much more challenging in pursuing practical application and when people have an emotional interest in the outcome. High stakes bring high emotions. I think the worst career advice I ever got was from an old boss telling our team to always check our emotions at the door coming into the office. Whenever he said or did something inconsiderate he’d preface the insult with “it’s not personal, it’s business.” I believe the idea of “strictly business” is a fallacy. To build a work environment of sincerity and trust in business interactions, we must first acknowledge the fact that interpersonal relationships are inherently emotional, and disagreements are a stressful experience. Since we work with people, and not robots, to “get stuff done” we need to take the time to build rapport and trust. This can only be done when we care about other people, show respect to who they are, and try to understand their motivations.

Effective discussions and decision-making require attunement to our own emotions as well as those of others. To show good judgment and make good decisions, we need to be able to address emotions and channel them in the right direction. Make no mistake; the workplace is an emotional warzone where warring tribes compete for scarce resources such as territory (advancing up the proverbial totem pole), recognition, and rewards. Everyone wants the bigger piece of the pie. And thus to have a real idea meritocracy is complicated and complex. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, physical safety comes first, but as we progress to higher level growth needs, we seek psychological security such as status, prestige, and respect from others. This is when things get tricky. We tend to feel “safe” around people who are similar to us. Differences often trigger complex emotions and reactions. To create a culture where the best ideas always win, we need to be willing to get uncomfortable, to embrace the notion that we are a part of a whole working towards best possible outcomes.

Diversity and inclusion are integral to outstanding performance. But for teams to thrive and best ideas to win, we need to overcome our defensive instincts when we encounter the unknown and the unfamiliar and learn to embrace different perspectives. This is easier to do when we assume that people want to do the right thing and are doing the best they can. It is really as simple as taking the time to listen and putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We do not need to like the person or want to be his or her best friend to adopt the mindset of generous and respectful assumption of intentions, especially when things don’t make sense to us or are in conflict with what we believe to be true. When we assume positive intent and don’t get distracted trying to guess other people’s motives, we become free to focus on the work and the merit of ideas. 

My (Jewish) New Year’s resolution is to get better at choosing the Most Respectful Interpretation (MRI). I will strive to keep my mind open to different perspectives and explore them with an open heart.

 

A Culture of Meritocracy: Where the Best Ideas Win

I started out my professional career with a dream to change the world one student at a time. I was a teacher for 10 years before leaving the profession in pursuit of new horizons. But even though I moved on, I always love hearing from my former students, all in various stages of “adulting,” and learning about their life and career choices.  Recently, I had a different kind of a blast from the past when I reconnected with one of my son’s high-school teachers. It was a very interesting conversation because in those years my son was what could only be described as an ideological slacker. He had a fully articulated world-life-view that the high school years were the best time to live life to the fullest and not the time to worry about life goals, achievements, or the long-term future. He decided he had better ways to spend his time than slaving over homework assignments, doing extra-curricular activities, or preparing for college. Fortunately, he later on adjusted his youthful views with a bit of life experience and a desire to enjoy the good things on life when not on parental dime. As the teacher learned about his current accomplishments, she gave me the proverbial pat on the back saying “wow, your radical parenting antics really worked.”

Well, I always feel I am pretty mainstream and was a bit surprised to learn that I was once viewed as even remotely radical. But it did get me thinking about my core parenting beliefs. We indeed didn’t have many rules at home. And we encouraged the kids to focus their energy on thinking for themselves rather than try and please others. We truly consciously tried to not shove our values down our children’s throats and let them learn (sometimes the hard way) from experience and figure out what worked for them, who they wanted to be, and where their own interests lay. We’ve always believed that love is a stronger motivator than doing things out of obligation. We allowed them to experiment and explore possibilities, and sometimes fail and pay the consequences as par for the course. Looking back, it dawned on me that our children grew up in an environment of idea meritocracy, emphasizing their self-fulfillment pursuing their best ideas.

It is a world-view that I strive to implement as an HR professional and coach entrusted with the well-being of the organization’s greatest asset, its people, to support the business. It’s always been clear to me that a company is only as good as its people – in the way it empowers free thinking and leverages the collective knowledge of the team. But it is certainly easier said than done. This is the million dollar question: how to build diverse work environments where the best ideas flourish? One example of how it’s done is provided by Ray Dalio, the founder of Bridgewater Associates, in his Ted Talk describing how thecompany practices “radical transparency” and maintains a meritocratic work environment.

In a world that seems to be changing at a faster and faster pace, changing the decision-making culture has become all the more imperative. With the enormous challenges that face businesses of every size, companies must identify and pursue the best ideas most worthy of further investment of resources and most likely to yield utmost benefits. But how do we determine which ideas are the best? How do we know whether we are on the right path to making a good business decision? Unfortunately, there is never any guarantee of success. But in establishing a business environment that promotes diversity and encourages novel perspectives, companies can facilitate positive outcomes through idea and knowledge-sharing and a rigorous debate. Let the best idea win!

There’s a lot more to this topic, and I’d love to hear your experiences with workplace meritocracy.

3 Life Lessons I Learned Hiking Through the Hottest Labor Day Weekend on Record

I spent hours planning a 4-day trek in Marin County over the Labor Day weekend, agonizing over all the details for each of the four consecutive days of hiking. The one thing I hadn’t worried about was the weather. I figured Marin County has great weather, and September is usually quite wonderful and ideal for outdoor activities. Unfortunately, this holiday weekend, we were hit by a scorching heat wave delivering triple-digit temperatures to the Bay Area. Marin County hit all-time record highs. While the safe decisions are not necessarily synonymous with smart decisions, in this case the wise decision should have been to cancel our plans. And in fact, many in our group showed good judgment making the more prudent choice to forsake the hills and stay safe and cool.

A few of us, however, stubbornly clung to the dream of hiking the infamous Dipsea trail from Mill Valley to Stinson Beach. The trail starts with 688 stairs in the first mile. Due to trail closure, we only did 450 of these stairs but were not spared the long uphill climb stretching for about 2,000 feet elevation gain. We survived Cardiac Hill, our hearts racing, beating harder than ever. We briefly experienced the bliss of arriving at the hilltop and seeing the Pacific Ocean, knowing the end was near, only to have Insult Hill sap the last of our energy. Yet we persevered and completed the hike earning the bragging rights.

I enjoy pushing my body, but apart from the physical aspect, hiking certainly strengthens my mental toughness. It puts me in touch with my own capabilities and vulnerabilities and helps me practice good habits such as paying attention, acting with intention, keeping things in perspective, and having a positive attitude. It is often my mental toughness and not my athletic prowess that gets me to the top of the mountain. And if I allow myself to listen, the trail can be a great teacher instilling valuable life lessons. Hiking Dipsea at temperatures topping 100 degree, when I wasn’t thinking about how hot it was or wondering if I’d actually make it to the end of the trail, I got to reflect upon the experience and the wisdom gained from it, which can be boiled down to the following 3 simple truths:

1. It’s all in our mind

There will always be that voice saying “I can’t.” But when we hear that voice we should pay no heed to it and trust that we can. Far too often we give up on our goals too easily, overcome by the magnitude of the effort required. On the trail, I learned that all I needed to do was to keep going putting one foot in front of the other. It is, however, important to slow down. There’s tremendous power in taking a breather. Sometimes it’s the only way to make it to the top.

2. It’s all about the company we keep

Great people make the journey more beautiful. My grandmother used to say that being with people is like trying on a new perfume. Whether you buy it or not, you receive the fragrance. We need to surround ourselves with good people who will see us through tough challenges. Even strong hikers can get tired. A little encouragement goes a long way. Camaraderie can be a source of great comfort knowing we are all in this together helping and cheering each other on.

3. It’s all the little moments that make a big adventure

Yes, the view at the top was beautiful, but it’s the special moments along the journey that I remember. It’s the moments of beauty and of pain, not the finish line, which have left me with some great memories. We are often too anxious to get to our destination forgetting that real learning is in the struggle and true beauty arises in walking the path and discovering unexpected treasures.

Hiking in the heat might not have been the best decision. Our little group encountered many challenges, but in the end, it was all worth it. The pain was only temporary, and the feeling of achievement will last forever.

Respect: One Word with Subtle Shades of Meaning

Through the course of my work day, I help people improve their professional lives. While every client is unique, the experiences are common. Often, clients who hold completely different positions working in different companies and locations talk about similar work situations and seem to be grappling with the same thorny workplace issues. This week’s recurring theme has been respect, or to be more specific, not respecting a manager. Now, there are a lot of bad managers out there. But when it comes to respect, it’s all about perception – how we observe ourselves and others and interpret the interactions. When you feel deep disrespect for a manager, try and define what respect and disrespect mean to you in general. Next, look at how these definitions influence your actions, choices and interactions at work. Respect is transactional. It’s not just something we feel but something that’s reflected in our behavior; meaning that the way we show up as may influence the way others show up to us.

Respect for someone is not just earned. It’s cultivated through appreciation of a person’s abilities, personal qualities, contributions and achievements. Watch yourself closely. When you work for a manager that you don’t respect, think about what it is about him/her that elicits your feelings of disrespect. It might be helpful to write down the key reasons you disrespect your manager (for your eyes only.) Try and use facts and not feelings clearly describing the core of the problem. As they say, “a problem defined is a problem half solved.” Then, write down at least one strategy to tackle the challenge and overcome it. You may benefit from a fresh perspective of a trusted advisor; someone who can provide objective feedback when your feelings get in the way. Thinking through the situation may uncover options to professionally manage your manager.

Unless you have the misfortune to report to a particularly toxic and evil person, it is highly likely there are things about the manager which are respect-worthy. Acknowledging the manager’s strengths and redeeming qualities rather than fixating on the shortcomings can help you find a productive way to work together. Taking a step back and adopting a mindset for career curiosity opens up new doors and possibilities. Solutions appear when we look at old problems in new ways, when instead of focusing on what we believe things to be, we become curious about what they could be. Through the course of our career, we will have good bosses and terrible bosses (hopefully few and far between.)When we replace judgment with curiosity, we can find a way to co-exist and work productively with managers we don’t respect or like. We can’t control nor change the behavior of others, only our reaction to them. When dealing with a manager you don’t respect, reclaim your power and manage the situation constructively choosing your thinking, feelings, responses, and actions.

Hopefully, if you are dealing with a truly bad manager engaging in inappropriate behaviors that make it impossible to respect him/her, there is a strong HR department to assist you when you reach your limit. I want to believe that Susan Fowler’s experience at Uber is the exception, not the norm. That when an employee has a valid concern about a manager, HR will come through and proactively and competently manage the situation and drive to a reasonable and acceptable resolution. However, there are times when the only way forward is to remove yourself from the influence of a bad manager; when making things work would require more time and emotional energy than you are willing to invest. My grandmother used to say: “when people treat you like they don’t care, believe them and walk away.” Sometimes in order to live our highest and best self requires that we walk away from the things that no longer serve us and stop us.

 

 

Evangelism as a Leadership Quality

In Revisionist History Episode 9 Malcolm Gladwell is reminiscing about the carefree days of eating McDonald’s French fries fried in beef tallow before McDonald caved to public pressure in 1990 and changed its original French fry recipe.

Sadly, since I grew up eating Kosher I couldn’t relate to Gladwell’s deep yearning and hunger for McDonald’s French fries. However, I am a sucker for a good David and Goliath story, the little guy taking on the giant corporation for the greater good. If you are, too, check out Gladwell’s book “David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants.” But back to Revisionist History! Gladwell describes Phil Sokolof, who waged a one-man battle against fast food chains for two-decades, as an evangelist. This episode made me reflect on and consider my own definition of the modern day evangelist in today’s workplace.

If my memory serves me correctly, the word “evangelist” started appearing in workplace lingo about a decade ago along with specialized job titles such as “Corporate Strategist”, “Futurist”, “Brand Ambassadors”, and of course all the “Ninjas” and “Wizards.” Corporate jargon highlights what is important and valued, and these words indicate that employers value certain personality traits and qualities in addition to experience and skills. I remember how puzzled I was at first when the word “evangelist” started seeping into corporate speech as a description for people advocating technology or a brand. Yes, partly because of the word’s religious connotation of a missionary preacher of the gospel seeking to convert others and expose God’s love to the un-enlightened. But also because I was suffering a bit of a role conflict always trying to use politically correct terms in handling religion, and other sensitive issues, in the workplace. But it did make me pause and try to figure out the modern day workplace fascination (even obsession) with business evangelists.

I believe that at the core, this trend is deeply rooted in the collective newly awakened interest in meaningful careers that connect passion, purpose and function. An evangelist exudes passion, enthusiasm and energy. These qualities are thought of as the dividing line between the good and the great. Positivity and high energy are attractive traits which are critical leadership skills. Leaders must fuel others with positive emotions to inspire them and move them to rally around a common vision and goals. A high energy person is like a source of light drawing people to connect and follow her. An evangelist promotes the brand or the product. It is an important role in that it is all about building a community of people who are passionate about the company’s offerings. Employers are now looking to all employees to be evangelists spreading the brand message.

In other words, do you want greater career success? Offer more than just a skillset. Become a business evangelist.  Offer others the gift of passion, energy & enthusiasm. Here is a list of my top 3 characteristics of a business evangelist every working professional need to strive to possess:

1. Have a strong sense of purpose

“Working hard with purpose is what separates the good from the great.” ~Thad Matta

Evangelists have clarity of purpose which helps sustain their commitment and efforts toward particular causes and goals. Having a purpose means knowing what you are going after, what you seek to achieve and why. Part of the power of evangelists is in knowing their true north, and their conviction is the story they tell. Compelling stories have the power to make people believe in the message and move them to action. 

2. Be a self-starter

“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Evangelists are self-reliant. They don’t expect anything to be handed to them on a silver platter. They take responsibility and accept accountability for their own actions. Don’t expect others to do things for you, at least not the things you haven’t made the effort to do for yourself. The magnitude of your success will be directly proportional to your choices, your actions, and the effort you exert.

3. Seize opportunities

“Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” ~Sun Tzu

Don’t just wait for a big break or the extraordinary opportunity to presnt, take every opportunity to make things better. It is where we focus our attention that our energy is directed to create the things we want without being distracted by things that do not promote our goals. This is not a “9-5” mindset but rather a sunrise to sunset mentality to keep working relentlessly for our goals. It reminds me of an old mentor who used to have this sign on her desk:

“Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,

While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.”

Sincerely, The Opportunist”

But with the obvious advantage of being purpose-driven and having an extra gear, perhaps the most important lesson of episode 9 is Gladwell’s parting words that without room for pleasure the world can be a pretty bleak place. As we get busy building a life and finding a purpose greater than us, we need to remember to embrace joy and fun, the simple pleasures that help us to truly enjoy life.

The Recipe for Success: A Mix of Passion & Data

In the wake of the Google manifesto, and the media frenzy that followed, I was looking for some inspiration. So I scoured the internet in search of inspiring stories of successful women in tech. I started with Forbes 2016 World’s Most Powerful Women. Sixteen of them are in tech. I then came across The Business Insider article listing 52 of the most powerful people in enterprise tech in 2017. There are seven women on the list with Diane Greene, SVP of Goggle Cloud, making it to the top 5. And finally, I checked out the Time.com list of 20 most influential people in tech right now. Five women are included. Mark Zuckerberg is #3 on the list. After looking at the list and doing some reading about the accomplished women who made it to these distinguished lists, and yes, the numbers are not looking good for women in tech, something was nagging at me. I distinctly remembered that Mark has a sister who was working at Facebook. I recalled reading that she was the one credited with the idea for Facebook Live. While Mark was a college dropout, she graduated from Harvard. I was curious to learn more about her.

Fortunately, I came across Rebecca Jarvis’ podcast “No Limits” and her interview with Randi Zuckerberg on August 3rd. I found my inspiration! Jarvis spoke with Randi about her journey from college to early career decisions, to her current venture as CEO of Zuckerberg media. They talked about Randi’s struggles, success, and advice (good & bad) she received throughout her career and hers to others, especially from the perspective of someone who was often the only woman in the room. It was the first time I heard about the little tech-savvy Dot, the picture book and TV series (they came out after my kids were at the appropriate age to consume, and hopefully it won’t be relevant by the time any grandkids come along.) I highly recommend the podcast and feel I should pass along the chat’s nuggets of wisdom I think are worth sharing.

The first idea is that a “no” can be a gift. Randi was not accepted into Harvard’s music program, so she majored in psychology instead. As disappointing as rejection might have been at the time, it set her on the path to career success, not only as measured by money but also in being at the cutting edge of innovation and having real impact. I think that this is something we can all relate to. We are tormented by rejection from a very young age at school, in our relationships or love, and in our career. You’d think we’d all be experts in handling rejection, but the truth is that it always sucks. It is always painful. However, often when we think we are being rejected or have failed, we are actually being re-directed to better opportunities. Success is measure not in how many times we fail, but how many times we get back up and keep forging forward. To use the fashionable Silicon Valley term – how many time we pivot. Whenever something goes wrong, we have an opportunity to make it right if we pivot to something new. There’s always another role, another job, another company, another chance.

Another concept that was new to me was Randi’s “pick 3 formula.” She talked about the entrepreneur’s dilemma of being pulled in many different directions trying to juggle many different priorities. She advised to pick three areas to focus on and win every day. Now that’s a novel idea! I’ve always tried to do it all. But it makes sense: family, work, friends, fitness, fun, and sleep – pick 3 a day. And every day is a new day bringing new choices.

The third thing that really resonated with me was Randi’s declaration that she brings a mix of passion and data to everything she does. We are told from a very young age to find our passion, discover our greatest motivation and take action. Passion energizes us; it is what gets us excited to start each new day. Indeed success starts with a dream and passion. However, in every venture we need to combine our passion and judicious use of data to make good decisions. Just like the song “love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage.” Passion and data are the yin and yang of career success. We need both.

Lastly, I loved Randi’s reminder for the need to be interesting. In whatever we do, there are likely to be other people vying for the title. Keeping it vanilla won’t cut it. We need to find our authentic voice and look for ways to differentiate ourselves and stand out from the crowd. The connections we form are based on our unique brand: who we are, what interests us, and the value we bring. Being true to self will help us attract the opportunities we seek.

And I’d like to end with Randi’s powerful question: is the most interesting thing about you is what you do for a living?