Toxic Workplaces

Back on track, and as promised, more on toxic work environments. It is a chicken-and-egg question of whether toxic leaders create toxic workplaces or toxic workplaces attract toxic leaders. In either case, the outcome is always harmful to employees.

Signs of a toxic work environment are:

1. Leaders who are either emotionally distanced or extremely reactive and emotionally explosive
2. Leaders who set unreasonable expectations and unattainable goals
3. Leaders who cannot move beyond firefighting mode. They are continuously sucked into the crisis du jour focusing on short-term tactical issues and offering Band-Aid solutions.
4. Leaders who express lack of empathy and support. They manipulate others to ensure they look great at the expense of others.
5. Leaders who engage in disrespectful behaviors. They talk down to others and belittle them. They berate others and dish out unwarranted and unproductive criticism often in public or by spreading rumors.  
6. Leaders who do not walk the talk. Their actions do not match the corporate values and brand messages. They pursue short-term profits at the expense of doing the right thing consistently.
7. Leaders who pit coworkers against each other playing favorites and giving a select few preferential treatment over others.
8. Leaders who lie. They show a complete disregard for the truth. They deliberately withhold information or reinvent the truth.
9. Leaders who are inconsistent in applying policies. They give different people different answers to same questions. They break promises and dishonor agreements.
10. Leaders who take no responsibility and avoid accountability. They are quick to point the finger at everyone else blaming circumstances, conditions and other people.  It's always someone else's fault.

Employees in toxic workplaces experience:

1. Chronic high stress: show emotional and physical stress symptoms (www.stress.org/stress-effects/)
2. Low morale: cynicism, negativity, and sarcasm reign.
3. High attrition and voluntary turnover: a mass exodus of coworkers voting with their feet seeking better opportunities.

Questions to ask to identify a toxic work environment:

To gauge attrition:  How long was the last person in this position, and why did they leave? What is the average tenure of people on the team?

To gauge expectations: how many hours a week does it take realistically to accomplish this job? Would I be expected to be available after hours and on weekends?

To gauge commitment to employees: what are the top 3 organizational challenges and what has leadership done to make things better?

Check the answers against employees’ Glassdoor reviews. If there are too many disgruntled employees, ignore at your own risk.

Unfortunately goodness doesn’t always prevail, and sometimes you need to cut your losses and move on. Yes, quitting is an option.  If you report to a liar or in a work environment where senior leaders act with lack of leadership integrity, you are likely to be better off spending your energies on building a new and better future.

If leaving is not an option, I highly recommend Rising above a Toxic Workplace: Taking Care of Yourself in an Unhealthy Environment by Gary Chapman and Paul White.

Happy 4th

Happy 240th Birthday to the US of A!

Celebrating today feeling grateful for the freedoms I have as an American living in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Reflecting on and not taking for granted all the comforts and advantages of this incredible country; the land of opportunities and dreams come true. 

Three of the things I am most grateful for living in California:

1.    The American Dream

We decided to move to California believing in the American Dream as our chance to open the door to a world of opportunity. We weren’t expecting instant success, wealth, and fame but rather the chance to achieve prosperity and success through hard work. With hard work, we have been able to achieve our goals: getting a great education, seeing career advancement and success, raising a healthy and happy family, and building a supportive community. But the true meaning of living the American dream is to keep dreaming, to keep pursuing opportunities, to keep working and to keep learning and growing. Every day is an opportunity to make tomorrow even better.

2.    Beauty

Coming from a country which is about 5% of the size of California; I certainly appreciate the country’s sheer size, its national parks, the awe-inspiring sights and places to visit. And I am so happy to live in the beautiful San Francisco Bay Area where the weather is temperate year-round allowing me to lace up my hiking boots and explore the great outdoors and best hiking trails every week throughout the year. 

3.    Cultural Diversity

The greatest thing about the melting pot that is the Bay Area is the people. For the most part, Bay Area residents are liberal, open-minded, and with a strong live and let live attitude. As an immigrant it means I never feel like a fish out of water or like a sore thumb sticking out. Career prospects are greater when you live in an area where cultural diversity isn’t merely tolerated but is actually perceived as advantageous, and where inclusion and differences are embraced and celebrated.
 
May we all continue to enjoy the great freedoms and opportunities we enjoy here; the freedom to speak our minds, to practice our religion, to be who we are, and to vote. No matter how you feel about the upcoming election and the presidential candidates, let’s not forget that in many countries around the world people still do not have basic human rights. Freedom is a precious gift. May we live to see a future of liberty, peace and dignity for all.

Elie Wiesel

In my previous post, I promised to follow-up and write more about a full-blown toxic work environment. However, with the passing of Elie Wiesel, I’d like to dedicate today’s post to reflect on his legacy to us all, which is expressed so well in  the statement released by the White House:

Elie’s life “and the power of his example, urges us to be better.  In the face of evil, we must summon our capacity for good.  In the face of hate, we must love.  In the face of cruelty, we must live with empathy and compassion.  We must never be bystanders to injustice or indifferent to suffering.  Just imagine the peace and justice that would be possible in our world if we all lived a little more like Elie Wiesel.”

https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2016/07/02/statement-president-death-elie-wiesel

I love inspiring quotes which capture great truths in a few well-chosen words. I took the time to go over some of my favorite Elie Wiesel’s quotes:

• We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.
• There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.
• Peace is our gift to each other.
• There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win.
• When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.

And the one that especially resonates with me today is:

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.”

I am so thankful for all my friends, co-workers and clients for so generously sharing your experiences and for the loving support you’ve shown me. Thanks for walking on the journey with me as I explore new ventures.

Toxic Coworkers

I’ve got quite a few responses from people saying they love their job and are inspired but need some guidance on how to deal with difficult people at work or how to handle that co-worker or horrible boss who is “making life hell at work.”

I will dedicate this post to dealing with toxic co-workers and the next one to discuss a full-blown toxic work environment.

If you are lucky, you’ve never come across any such evil creatures as the emotional pirates, the energy vampires, or the hypercritical gremlins. These are the people who only care about themselves, see only their own perspective, and who physically and emotionally drain you.

However, if you’ve been working long enough, you’ve most likely had to manage toxic or bullying behaviors. Toxic people are:

1. Selfish. It’s always about them, and they show no real interest or concern for others.
2. Mean-spirited. They never have a nice word to say about anyone. If they badmouth others, chances are they’re doing the same talking s***t about you, too.
3. Liars. They show a complete disregard for the truth. They deliberately withhold information or reinvent the truth.
4. Special, or so they think. They believe that they are entitled to special treatment and are the center of the universe.
5. Always right, even when they are not. Any rational and logical discussion will fall on deaf ears.

Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do to change toxic colleagues, especially those who hold a higher position of authority than you. One of the most important career skills you can master is to protect yourself from their evilness.

How to deal with a toxic co-worker?

1. Effectively set boundaries: be aware of your feelings, define what you will and will not tolerate, and assertively communicate your boundaries.
2. Protect yourself:  have a solid defense with a paper trail that works to your benefit. Save emails, texts, and voicemail messages. 
3. Exercise caution and good judgment in sharing information; don’t share confidences. Anything you say and do will be repeated in a negative way and used against you.
4. Hear no evil, do no evil: others’ bad behavior is no excuse to do the same. Remain positive and act with integrity. Stay true to yourself and do the 'right' thing. Do not engage in the lying game.
5. Stay strong and believe in yourself. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people.

Whether or not you’ve experienced a boss or coworker from "hell" I recommend “Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work” by Paul Babiak & Robert Hare. At some point in your career, you will come across a coworker or a leader who will make your work life utterly miserable. Read this book and remember its lessons.

Making a Difference

I was asked a great question today.

A client, a recent grad looking for a job, started our call saying he’d followed my recent blog postings and just doesn’t get why making a difference at work is so important.

Well, I’ll concede that for people just starting their careers, this concept may not be as relevant as to those who are more advanced along their career path. But I do firmly believe that the “Make a Difference” mindset and service orientation are key differentiators in long-term career satisfaction and success.

To illustrate this point, I love telling the story about the three Stonemasons. It’s a classic fable about three stonemasons answering the question about what they do. The first says he is cutting stones, the second says he is building a wall, and the third answers that he is building a cathedral “for the glory of God.” All three men are doing the same work, but their perception of the work they are doing is vastly different. The third Stonemason sees his job as a calling connecting the work to a bigger picture and a higher purpose.

Does your job feel like cutting stones or building a cathedral?

I’ve found that professionals all fall on a continuum from being miserable hating their job to the other end of the continuum being inspired loving their job. 

  

Everyone would agree that being inspired is closely associated with passion, joy, energy, motivation, and drive. Almost every employee and coaching client I’ve ever worked with wanted more from work than just a paycheck. When exploring career options, the coaching conversation typically focuses on finding purpose, meaning, and making a difference.

The truth about careers is that finding inspiration might be quite hard. The secret to truly loving what we do and being inspired lies in learning to shift the focus of our work from self-promotion to being of service to others. Again, the key to more work life inspiration, satisfaction and happiness is passion, meaning, and making a difference. Loving a job has nothing to do with the size of a pay check and everything to do with the intention to make a difference. When someone is living a better life because you showed up for them and cared enough to help them change things for the better, your work becomes intrinsically valuable.

How can you get on the path toward more inspiration in your career?

The first step is to decide what kind of difference you want to make. Ask yourself:

1.    What do I care about?

2.    Who do I want to help?

3.    What is possible?

Please write and tell me about finding inspiration in the work that you do or contact me to explore ways to fall back in love with your job all over again.