Anyone who's ever taught or managed people knows that neither aptitude nor talent is a good predictor of performance. Why do some people achieve their goals while others fail? Is it willpower? Are some people simply born with more willpower than others? Over the years I’ve read many books and articles on drive, goal-setting, motivation, and success, all of them written by successful people offering the best strategies for personal improvement and growth. But years of experience helping clients set and achieve career goals have taught me that success has little to do with willpower and everything to do with choosing the right goals to pursue. To paraphrase Nir Eyal – no willpower is required when we work on things we enjoy [Have We Been Thinking About Willpower the Wrong Way for 30 Years?].
Our energy and motivation ebb and flow in direct correlation to the importance we assign to what we do and the joy we experience doing it. When we pursue work that is meaningful and interesting, we feel motivated and energized. When we are tasked with work that we perceive as unimportant and boring we feel drained and depleted. When clients come to me because they struggle with goals, can’t stick to their resolutions, or fail to keep their commitments, it is typically a sign that they are pursuing inauthentic goals. It is hard to muster up the desire, energy, and enthusiasm to push forward when we work towards something that we don’t truly want. When our goals are aligned with our core values and our priorities, we strive to achieve them by any means necessary. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.
Commitment comes naturally when you find the right goals, no willpower required. In my experience, successful people are not those who have a greater willpower but rather those who have greater clarity and awareness of their true desires, wants, and needs. When the story in your head matches the one in your heart, your resolutions and new habits will stick for good. Planning your life and commitments around your goal is the wrong approach. It typically leads to a vicious cycle of excuses, rationalization, and self-reproach. The path to success is to set your goals around what is really important to you and truly brings meaning and joy to your life. The key is to make decisions based on your core personal values. Understanding and defining the values guiding your decisions, actions, and behaviors will equip you for success. Willpower is limitless, same as the power of possibilities and human potential. The secret is engaging in pursuits that we are passionate about, that are authentic to us and which give our life purpose, meaning, and joy. This is a lifelong pursuit.
But there’s always a tradeoff, it’s a basic economic principle. To achieve a new goal, we have to give up habits that no longer serve us in order to secure something of a greater value to us. We act according to our strongest desires. In pursuing the things we want, we also have to give up things of lesser value and do things we may not want to but that are necessary for the bigger picture; e.g. taking a short-term role to learn new skills, giving up a high-paying job to start a new business, enduring sleepless nights, teething temper tantrums, and the teenage years, which are part and parcel of parenting. There’s always a price to pay, things we need to give up when we choose to become who we want to be and live a more authentic life. Living with purpose changes everything.
I have a broad arsenal of tools for setting and achieving goals, but the first and most important step for achieving a goal is having clarity about what is truly important to you and what brings you joy. Below are my 4 foolproof steps to setting and achieving your goals without having to draw on willpower. A foundation principle of this model is based on the Chinese saying “good things come in pairs.” I was introduced to the concept of double happiness attending a Chinese wedding a couple of years ago. While this definitely relates to marriage, I feel it can be applied to any new venture we undertake:
#1 Finding True Meaning: Passion & Purpose
There are many reasons we choose the wrong goals, or the right goals for the wrong reasons. Dare to allow your heart to guide you tapping into your passion and purpose. Create your own personal mission statement of what you want to have in your life and career. Everyone has a different idea of what it means to be successful, define what it means to you. This is a major step towards setting the right goals that will get you where you want to go.
#2 Creating a Plan: Milestones & Measures
Creating a plan is just as important as setting the right goals. In fact, it is one of the most important actions to take. This is where the work really happens. Write down your “dreamline” outlining where you are going and what you need to do to get there. Define both the big picture and the in-between action steps that would take you to your ultimate goal. Try to capture the to-do list in positive statements including things you actually enjoy doing rather than things you wish to avoid. Put all items in a logical order and prioritize the action items. As you define the stepping stones on your path, be sure to also spell out the tangible means to evaluate your progress and success.
#3 Staying the Course: Enthusiasm & Energy
Enthusiasm is a shield against obstacles. It provides endless amounts of energy and stamina. While we all wish that we could achieve our goals quickly and without any pain, the truth is that there are no easy and short paths to lasting success. In fact, we never actually reach a destination. Every accomplishment is a benchmark to keep going and to do better. We become rich by the experiences we gain throughout our journey.
#4 Learning the Lessons: Reflection & Rewards
Personal growth is a lifelong process. Each milestone we hit is an opportunity to re-evaluate our purpose and adjust our goals. Reflection and self-awareness will help you find, expand, and follow your path to tap into your highest potential and grow into the best possible version of yourself. This is the path of unlimited possibilities. And as you reflect on your progress readjust the things that didn’t work well for you, be sure to recognize and reward yourself for small wins and things done well. And always remain open to try new strategies and carve new paths.
There’s a wealth of potential dreams, passion, and purpose deep within you. When you bring them to light, you will find the willpower and means to live your most authentic life. Many things will catch your eye, but only few will capture your heart, mind, and soul. Pursue them.
My parents stayed at the same job for over 30 years. How the times have changed! The modern career path is defined by job mobility, and it is very rarely linear. For most professionals, work life is more like a journey through thousands of miles of untamed wilderness with many twists and turns along the way. We are a tribe of wandering workers navigating the amazing maze of challenges, opportunities and choices. The modern career consists of a series of jobs and roles as we seek to find purpose and meaning at work. It is our responsibility to own our career so that we never stop moving, we always keep learning, and we consistently deepen our work experience.
Today’s ultimate career goal is to choose jobs that are worthwhile and fulfilling. As hard as job transitions may be, we must seek them out in order to build up our capabilities. In fact, some of the best career moves are those new paths discovered when taking a fork in the road, or even when seemingly making a U-turn. Always be thinking about your next career step and keep practicing resilience, persistence, and adaptability. Success is a moving target, there are always more places to go, more to experience and achieve.
Traditionally, careers were thought of as having 5 stages:
- Exploration: the pre-employment stage in which the career direction is set with the guidance of parents, teachers, and counselors.
- Establishment: entering the professional world and starting to build a career.
- Mid-career: mastering core technical and professional competencies and gaining middle management status.
- Late-career: getting to the top of the proverbial corporate ladder winning the coveted title of senior management.
- Exit: when the time has come to retire.
Clearly, this model is no longer applicable to the modern workplace where people start and lead successful companies straight out of college, with young professionals becoming Directors and VPs before the age of 30, and with people moving back and forth between and within stages pursuing a variety of personal and professional interests throughout their career.
A more accurate model would be thinking of the modern career path in terms of consecutive “career cycles.” Think of each career cycle as including the following three key elements: Ready, Set, Go! Then repeat.
(Get) Ready: Pick an exciting path. With so many interests and possibilities, deciding on a destination is not easy. Get clarity as to your starting point and where you want to be. Conduct a career search to then narrow down your options. Visualize your journey and get ready to pursue your vision. Be sure to clearly define your interests, strengths, and values. These serve as your compass when the going gets tough and will keep you motivated to stay on your chosen path.
Set (Plan): a plan gives you a basic strategy where to expect obstacles and how to hit the landmarks. Make sure you pack all that you need to be able to navigate through rough terrains and in any weather conditions. But a really important element of the career plan is flexibility. To achieve career success at every step, you need to be able to change and adapt to the many inevitable challenges along the way.
Go (Far): Stay steady on your path defining success on your own terms. Go as far and as long as you continue to be challenged and are continually learning and gaining new skills. When things get too easy, don’t get complacent. It’s time to explore new opportunities. Step outside your comfort zone, raise the bar and start planning a new success cycle. Reset, retool, and restart your career taking the same steps previously implemented but with a fresh perspective applying the knowledge and wisdom of experience.
There is no rest for the weary. The easiest way to stop growing is to stop setting goals. Keep your career journey both interesting and challenging. It’s your journey. Your path is yours to define, find, and walk.
And I’d like to leave you with the following quote from When the Moon is Low by Nadia Hashimi (which I believe is from a poem by Ibrahim Khalil.)
“As you tread to the temple of your supreme pursuit
A hundred peaks may hinder your route
With the hatchet of persistence, conquer each
And bring your aspiration within your reach”
One fun aspect of my job is hearing clients’ interview stories. They are often entertaining, especially when the interview questions have no relevance to anything and can be of no help in determining job performance. That being said, it’s highly likely you will be asked some annoying interview questions. There are no “right” answers to these questions. The best strategy is to remain confident and highlight your most positive traits that are relevant to the job you’re applying for. You may try and use humor in the hope that the interviewer is as bored as you are and has a sense of humor.
A client who just “survived” an all-day marathon interview emailed me some interview questions among which were the following:
“Given a choice, which super power would you choose?” She responded she’d choose to be able to be in two places at once to eliminate the problem of double booking and to get more work done. But at the time she was really thinking she’d like to make the interviewer disappear if she could.
Then it got worse in the next one being asked “If you were an animal, what animal would you be?” Apparently there is such a thing as a dumb question. To be honest, this one is just asking for a BS answer. You need to highlight the positive qualities of the animal and how they relate to you and make you an exceptional employee. My client said she’d be a dog because she is very loyal and supportive of people around her but always fun to have around. All the while thinking she’d like to be a gorilla and punch the man in the face.
On the very last interview she was asked: “how do you personally define success?” All she wanted to say was that success to her was just getting through the day. But this one certainly calls for some post-interview serious consideration. I left the conversation with my client reflecting on that question wanting to re-visit what success means to me. I went back to reading the Entrepreneur’s 10 quotes from women business leaders: https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/247554#10
These are my favorite top three:
#1: “Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently from everyone else.” ~ Sara Blakely, Founder of Spanx
This one resonated with me as it relates to my recent post "Perspective: Weaknesses are Strengths in Disguise" and a core belief that there are no “good” or “bad” traits. We need to use everything we have, every opportunity, to positively manage challenges in pursuing our goals.
#2: “The Difference between successful people and others is how long they spend time feeling sorry for themselves.” ~ Barbara Corcoran, “Shark Tank” investor
Change is an inevitable part of life. We all have our personal mountain to climb, and bad things do happen. We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves when we hit a roadblock, or we can turn challenges into opportunities to weather any storm and move forward. Perseverance is a great element of success.
#3: “If you are successful, it is because somewhere, sometime, someone gave you a life or an idea that started you in the right direction. Remember also that you are indebted to life until you help some less fortunate person, just as you were helped.” ~ Melinda Gates, Co-Founder of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation
Success is a journey into uncharted territory. On our journey “up the mountain,” we can find abundant opportunities to help others and be of service. Success is about offering something unique to the world bringing value to others. Career success is ultimately a series of phases and achieving goals on each step of the journey. In other words, success is a moving target, constantly evolving in an ever changing landscape.
Coffee shops seem to be a popular choice to hold informal job interviews. These are typically “getting to know you” type chats to assess for “cultural fit.” It’s a good way to meet a potential team member on a more casual basis and have an informal conversation without starting a more rigorous interview process. But don’t be fooled. An informal “feeler” conversation at Peet’s or a Starbucks is an interview. Even though it’s “only” a 30-minute coffee and a chat, this meeting could be a stepping stone to your next career opportunity. Your job is to show up ready to impress. Be prepared. Be polished. Be professional.
It seems there’s some confusion as to who pays, or to quote a client “who buys the Frap?”General rule of thumb is that the company always picks up the tab. But you should still offer to pay. Best way to avoid any awkwardness is to show up early and buy your own drink to start the interview on the right note. And now that that’s settled, let’s move on to the next item on the list: interview preparation.
Follow these 4 steps:
1. Do the research
An informal interview is just like any other interview. Learn everything you can about the company from as many sources as you can. Check out Glassdoor for company reviews from current and former employees. Reading enough reviews can reveal important information. Look up your interviewer on LinkedIn and find photos to help you spot her.
2. Get your story straight
One of the most frequently asked interview questions is “tell me about yourself.” Have an answer ready to go. This is your chance to talk about who you are professionally and to showcase your experience, skills, and accomplishments. Write down three achievement stories. Talk about times you've really felt proud of an achievement at work. Your stories should demonstrate qualities like judgment, initiative, teamwork or leadership. Wherever possible, quantify what you've done. Achievement stories make you memorable.
3. Be prepared to answer questions
Be ready to answer standard interview questions Anticipate the questions you'll be asked and how to answer them. Even if you’re a savvy interviewing machine, it’s essential to spend time thinking about what skills, accomplishments, and examples will resonate with the prospective employer. The examples you share should be relevant to the role you are interviewing for. Lists of common interview questions are easy to find. It's likely you'll be asked why you're interested in the position and the company. Identify a couple of key factors that make it a great fit for you. The prep work will help you focus and be comfortable during the interview.
4. Be prepared to ask questions
An interview is a two-way street. Your potential employer is asking you questions to learn about you and your skills. In return, you need to ask your potential employer some good questions to be sure that this is the right job for you. Prepare at least three questions that demonstrate your interest in the position, your drive to excel in the role, and the fact that you’ve done some homework. As you conduct your pre-interview research, write down things that you’d like to learn more about. Keep in mind that the best questions to ask are open-ended questions. Avoid questions that are too broad or too vague. Ask about things you are genuinely interested to know.
10 tips for acing any job interview:
- Get ready for an informal interview in the same thorough way you'd prepare for a formal job interview.
- Practice but don’t memorize your answers. Be comfortable talking about your career path, your strengths and your long-term goals. When you know your story inside and out, you’d be able to handle just about any interview question.
- Do NOT let your hair down. Think about what you say. Be positive. Act interested. Pay attention to notice how to best engage and to respond appropriately and usefully.
- Have a vision for how you'd fit in at the company and what positive contributions you could make.
- Repeat the interviewer’s most important points; e.g. “I agree with you about ...,” or “I'd like to go back to ...” This is your chance to demonstrate active listening skills and build rapport, understanding, and trust.
- The candidate is expected to do 80 percent of the talking. Be attentive and keep the conversation going.
- Have a go-to phrase that'll help you avoid dead air if you need time to think and gather your thoughts. A good strategy is to repeat a question before answering or saying “this is a great question…."
- Do as many mock interviews as you possibly can with trusted friends who can provide constructive feedback.
- Create an interview cheat sheet: what you want to say and ask and the things you need to bring with you. Have one for every interview.
- Relax and remember to smile. Body language always speaks louder than words.
Whether you are interested in the opportunity or not, it is always important to leave a good impression. It is a great way to expand your network and keep the door open to future opportunities.
Spring Equinox 2017 was this morning marking the beginning of Spring. Springtime is a time of growth, renewal, and possibilities. It’s time to spring into action, tackle new career goals, and invite change into our lives. This is the perfect time of year to infuse a sense of freshness into our work life – weed out the bad and make room for something new. What do you want to make happen this year? Are you ready?
Set new goals that would help you re-commit to your professional growth. Make a list of 1-3 goals to focus on. But first, get your focus straight:
WHAT is your new goal?
WHY do you want to achieve it?
HOW would you make it happen?
This is not about making any new resolutions but rather about spring cleaning to re-discover those plans and projects that were put on the back burner for a while or have fallen by the wayside. The time has come to dust of the cobwebs and open the doors (and windows) of opportunity.
Here’s how to grow the seeds of long-term career success:
- Do the research: the really fun part of contemplating a new goal is picturing yourself in the future. Where do you see yourself in 12 months? In five years? A key step in setting a new goal is researching different paths and developing success scenarios.
- Set up a plan: outline a clear roadmap to success detailing the action steps, milestones, and a timeline. Remain flexible for opportunities along the journey.
- Line-up resources: give yourself every opportunity for success by identifying, finding, and engaging the right resources.
- Learn from your experience: every experience provides an opportunity for growth if we are willing to learn and apply the insights to future situations.
There is something about springtime when the grass is green, the flowers are in full bloom, and the days are longer and warmer. Each seed we put into the ground has a whole new year ahead of it. Use the energy of a fresh new season and renewal to create new possibilities for yourself with a renewed sense of purpose, creativity, and excitement. Participate fully as new things come into your life. Starting today, on the first day of Spring, declare your goals out loud, create a plan of action, and walk your talk. Wishing you a Happy Spring!
Flaws: we all have them. We are constantly told to work on our weaknesses, which is truly the way to grow and become better. But what if we embrace our weaknesses for what they are and focus on our strengths? Success is easier to achieve when we start seeing weaknesses as opportunities.
In my experience, most employees recognize their career-limiting habits. However, we all struggle making any real change in turning our weaknesses into strengths. That is evident to anyone looking at performance reviews. The same “areas for improvement” are listed year after year with no real improvement over time. The good news is that most companies are moving away from annual reviews dwelling on past mistakes to more real time and forward-looking feedback. But on an individual level, should we fight our weaknesses? What if we could wish them away, would we finally be happy?
Well, according to Marcus Buckingham in "Now Discover Your Strengths", we only get marginally better if we keep focusing on improving our weaknesses. We are better off focusing on what we do well at optimal capacity. And an even better perspective is that we each have a unique combination of flaws and strengths that make us who we are. We don’t need to eliminate our weaknesses but rather adjust our perspective eliminating the idea of “good” and “bad” traits. We should manage all of our traits positively in handling life’s challenges.
This blog post was inspired by a LinkedIn article on my feed: “What If Your Biggest Flaw Is Your Most Fabulous Feature?”
I immediately felt compelled to investigate further. I typed in “biggest flaw” and an abundance of tests and quizzes was at my fingertips. I found out I am obsessed with social media (true), I have terrible taste in things (somewhat true), and that I am “too perfect” (I guess… :-) ) This little exercise made for a fun 10 minutes of down time.
But joking aside, it is helpful to reflect on how a weakness is serving us. We grow and get attached to our weaknesses for good reasons. It is important to be clear on what makes as great but just as equally important to focus on things to work on.
This is typically the most difficult part of a job interview. The dreaded question “what’s your greatest weakness?” is one that most people don’t quite know how to answer. Yet, the answer can determine whether you are in or out of the race. While HR professionals toady consider the question old-fashioned and pointless since no one would admit to any real weakness on a job interview, it is still a common interview question, so being prepared is a good strategy. But perhaps have two sets of answers: an interview appropriate one to land the job and an honest one for self-improvement purposes.
General rule of thumb is to be prepared with three weaknesses. But don’t use the same old responses such as “I am a perfectionist.” And definitely don’t bring up anything that would eliminate you from consideration for the job. So what should you do? You choose wisely.
Describe the weakness in one of the following ways:
- As strength in disguise (how it’s really an advantage)
- As recovered strength (how you’ve taken action to learn and improve)
- As irrelevant (no impact on the job at hand)
Be sure to review the job description and put yourself in the hiring manager’s shoes: the impact of the said weakness adapted to your situation and the job. Position yourself effectively within context. Regardless of which of the three strategies you use, your ultimate goal is to present an answer that doesn't damage your potential for the position.
Now, if you seek self-improvement, take the time to think about and answer the following questions:
- List the top 10 situations that absolutely terrify you.
- Pinpoint exactly what it is about each situation that is so scary.
- What do you need to feel safe? How can you outsmart the fear to succeed in facing such situations?
Let us strive to grow but remain authentic to ourselves and learn to be comfortable in our perfect imperfection.
While there are no hard and fast rules for decision-making, following the 5-step decision-making process will help you make tough decisions better and faster. The purpose of the decision-making process is ultimately to achieve certain outcomes, to satisfy a need, or to solve a problem. When you’ve identified the alternatives and analyzed your options in steps three and four respectively, you should be ready to take the plunge, make the final decision and take action to start moving towards your desired destination.
Commitment to action is the hardest step. How many times have you wanted to make a change but then didn’t? The biggest reason most people fail to achieve their goal is failure to fully commit to taking deliberate and consistent action. We don’t just get what we wish for. We end up with what we are willing to work for. Actions make dreams happen. However, taking action is often the overlooked ingredient for professional and personal growth. If we wait for the perfect timing and conditions, we’ll never get anything done. The secret to success is to start where we are and keep trying. Steps 1 to 4 in the decision-making process involve inward processing and intrinsic motivations. Taking action involves extrinsic circumstances, dealing with the real-time influences and impact of the outside world.
5 ways to stay committed to action and achieve success:
1. Go public: declare your goal to the world. Post it on Facebook. Tell people about it. Put money on it. Say that you’ll do something embarrassing in public if you fail. Make people hold you accountable. Having a support structure will keep you motivated. Add an accountability buddy who’d keep you on track, or hire your own personal coach.
ASK YOURSELF: Who could I ask to help hold me accountable?
2. Prep up: list all the action steps as best you can and prioritize them. You may need to do some research to figure out the most sensible action steps. And you may want to list your sexiest and most interesting actions first to get excited. Planning out the action steps in detail would make the goal more attainable having a realistic expectation of the time and effort that will be required. If you get overwhelmed, you may choose to eliminate some steps, or reduce the scope of your goal. Both options would require making some trade-offs.
ASK YOURSELF: What could I STOP/START/Continue doing? What could I do LESS/MORE of?
3. Stay on track: establish achievable milestones you want to reach to ensure you are making steady progress. Remember: some progress is better than no progress. Get the structure to hold your focus on what you have to do and to keep you on track. A few suggestions:
- Track your progress in a commitment journal.
- Evaluate your actions in binary terms: either you're working on your most important goal (MIG), or you're not.
- Organize your list by day, week and month. As you take action, track your actual progress and adjust your future estimates.
These techniques will focus your attention on doing what needs to be done to move your most important goal forward.
ASK YOURSELF: How will I track my progress? What will I measure specifically?
4. Celebrate small wins: Set up a reward system to keep things fun. Big goals don’t happen overnight but rather as a series of action steps and small wins. Have a reward system in place for when you accomplish each milestone to stay motivated while working toward your MIG. Design your own personal recognition program. Put it in writing to make it real and give it importance. Create your own kudos/awesome jar. Here’s how:
- Every day: write down 3 things you’ve accomplished that day.
- Every week: write down your top 3 accomplishments for the week.
- All the slips go in the kudos/awesome jar.
- End of month: revisit all the small wins of the month and reward yourself.
ASK YOURSELF: What little wins have I had today? This week? This month?
5. Make NO excuses: once you make a commitment, make yourself stronger than your excuses. My grandmother used to say that excuses are for things that are not really important. Commitment to action is not about perfection. It’s about the courage to try, to make mistakes, to get up and to keep going. Commitment means giving nothing less than 100% and not giving up on a dream when the going gets tough. Excuses come a dime a dozen. Commitment requires daily action over time. Nothing worthwhile is easy, stay focused.
ASK YOURSELF: Am I giving my 100% absolute best effort?
The biggest secret to following through on your decisions is to take one step forward every single day. The pain of the process is temporary while the satisfaction of achievement and the joy of the creative process stay with you forever. Choose wisely and enjoy the journey.
