Respect: One Word with Subtle Shades of Meaning

Through the course of my work day, I help people improve their professional lives. While every client is unique, the experiences are common. Often, clients who hold completely different positions working in different companies and locations talk about similar work situations and seem to be grappling with the same thorny workplace issues. This week’s recurring theme has been respect, or to be more specific, not respecting a manager. Now, there are a lot of bad managers out there. But when it comes to respect, it’s all about perception – how we observe ourselves and others and interpret the interactions. When you feel deep disrespect for a manager, try and define what respect and disrespect mean to you in general. Next, look at how these definitions influence your actions, choices and interactions at work. Respect is transactional. It’s not just something we feel but something that’s reflected in our behavior; meaning that the way we show up as may influence the way others show up to us.

Respect for someone is not just earned. It’s cultivated through appreciation of a person’s abilities, personal qualities, contributions and achievements. Watch yourself closely. When you work for a manager that you don’t respect, think about what it is about him/her that elicits your feelings of disrespect. It might be helpful to write down the key reasons you disrespect your manager (for your eyes only.) Try and use facts and not feelings clearly describing the core of the problem. As they say, “a problem defined is a problem half solved.” Then, write down at least one strategy to tackle the challenge and overcome it. You may benefit from a fresh perspective of a trusted advisor; someone who can provide objective feedback when your feelings get in the way. Thinking through the situation may uncover options to professionally manage your manager.

Unless you have the misfortune to report to a particularly toxic and evil person, it is highly likely there are things about the manager which are respect-worthy. Acknowledging the manager’s strengths and redeeming qualities rather than fixating on the shortcomings can help you find a productive way to work together. Taking a step back and adopting a mindset for career curiosity opens up new doors and possibilities. Solutions appear when we look at old problems in new ways, when instead of focusing on what we believe things to be, we become curious about what they could be. Through the course of our career, we will have good bosses and terrible bosses (hopefully few and far between.)When we replace judgment with curiosity, we can find a way to co-exist and work productively with managers we don’t respect or like. We can’t control nor change the behavior of others, only our reaction to them. When dealing with a manager you don’t respect, reclaim your power and manage the situation constructively choosing your thinking, feelings, responses, and actions.

Hopefully, if you are dealing with a truly bad manager engaging in inappropriate behaviors that make it impossible to respect him/her, there is a strong HR department to assist you when you reach your limit. I want to believe that Susan Fowler’s experience at Uber is the exception, not the norm. That when an employee has a valid concern about a manager, HR will come through and proactively and competently manage the situation and drive to a reasonable and acceptable resolution. However, there are times when the only way forward is to remove yourself from the influence of a bad manager; when making things work would require more time and emotional energy than you are willing to invest. My grandmother used to say: “when people treat you like they don’t care, believe them and walk away.” Sometimes in order to live our highest and best self requires that we walk away from the things that no longer serve us and stop us.

 

 

Evangelism as a Leadership Quality

In Revisionist History Episode 9 Malcolm Gladwell is reminiscing about the carefree days of eating McDonald’s French fries fried in beef tallow before McDonald caved to public pressure in 1990 and changed its original French fry recipe.

Sadly, since I grew up eating Kosher I couldn’t relate to Gladwell’s deep yearning and hunger for McDonald’s French fries. However, I am a sucker for a good David and Goliath story, the little guy taking on the giant corporation for the greater good. If you are, too, check out Gladwell’s book “David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants.” But back to Revisionist History! Gladwell describes Phil Sokolof, who waged a one-man battle against fast food chains for two-decades, as an evangelist. This episode made me reflect on and consider my own definition of the modern day evangelist in today’s workplace.

If my memory serves me correctly, the word “evangelist” started appearing in workplace lingo about a decade ago along with specialized job titles such as “Corporate Strategist”, “Futurist”, “Brand Ambassadors”, and of course all the “Ninjas” and “Wizards.” Corporate jargon highlights what is important and valued, and these words indicate that employers value certain personality traits and qualities in addition to experience and skills. I remember how puzzled I was at first when the word “evangelist” started seeping into corporate speech as a description for people advocating technology or a brand. Yes, partly because of the word’s religious connotation of a missionary preacher of the gospel seeking to convert others and expose God’s love to the un-enlightened. But also because I was suffering a bit of a role conflict always trying to use politically correct terms in handling religion, and other sensitive issues, in the workplace. But it did make me pause and try to figure out the modern day workplace fascination (even obsession) with business evangelists.

I believe that at the core, this trend is deeply rooted in the collective newly awakened interest in meaningful careers that connect passion, purpose and function. An evangelist exudes passion, enthusiasm and energy. These qualities are thought of as the dividing line between the good and the great. Positivity and high energy are attractive traits which are critical leadership skills. Leaders must fuel others with positive emotions to inspire them and move them to rally around a common vision and goals. A high energy person is like a source of light drawing people to connect and follow her. An evangelist promotes the brand or the product. It is an important role in that it is all about building a community of people who are passionate about the company’s offerings. Employers are now looking to all employees to be evangelists spreading the brand message.

In other words, do you want greater career success? Offer more than just a skillset. Become a business evangelist.  Offer others the gift of passion, energy & enthusiasm. Here is a list of my top 3 characteristics of a business evangelist every working professional need to strive to possess:

1. Have a strong sense of purpose

“Working hard with purpose is what separates the good from the great.” ~Thad Matta

Evangelists have clarity of purpose which helps sustain their commitment and efforts toward particular causes and goals. Having a purpose means knowing what you are going after, what you seek to achieve and why. Part of the power of evangelists is in knowing their true north, and their conviction is the story they tell. Compelling stories have the power to make people believe in the message and move them to action. 

2. Be a self-starter

“Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Evangelists are self-reliant. They don’t expect anything to be handed to them on a silver platter. They take responsibility and accept accountability for their own actions. Don’t expect others to do things for you, at least not the things you haven’t made the effort to do for yourself. The magnitude of your success will be directly proportional to your choices, your actions, and the effort you exert.

3. Seize opportunities

“Opportunities multiply as they are seized.” ~Sun Tzu

Don’t just wait for a big break or the extraordinary opportunity to presnt, take every opportunity to make things better. It is where we focus our attention that our energy is directed to create the things we want without being distracted by things that do not promote our goals. This is not a “9-5” mindset but rather a sunrise to sunset mentality to keep working relentlessly for our goals. It reminds me of an old mentor who used to have this sign on her desk:

“Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,

While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.”

Sincerely, The Opportunist”

But with the obvious advantage of being purpose-driven and having an extra gear, perhaps the most important lesson of episode 9 is Gladwell’s parting words that without room for pleasure the world can be a pretty bleak place. As we get busy building a life and finding a purpose greater than us, we need to remember to embrace joy and fun, the simple pleasures that help us to truly enjoy life.

The Recipe for Success: A Mix of Passion & Data

In the wake of the Google manifesto, and the media frenzy that followed, I was looking for some inspiration. So I scoured the internet in search of inspiring stories of successful women in tech. I started with Forbes 2016 World’s Most Powerful Women. Sixteen of them are in tech. I then came across The Business Insider article listing 52 of the most powerful people in enterprise tech in 2017. There are seven women on the list with Diane Greene, SVP of Goggle Cloud, making it to the top 5. And finally, I checked out the Time.com list of 20 most influential people in tech right now. Five women are included. Mark Zuckerberg is #3 on the list. After looking at the list and doing some reading about the accomplished women who made it to these distinguished lists, and yes, the numbers are not looking good for women in tech, something was nagging at me. I distinctly remembered that Mark has a sister who was working at Facebook. I recalled reading that she was the one credited with the idea for Facebook Live. While Mark was a college dropout, she graduated from Harvard. I was curious to learn more about her.

Fortunately, I came across Rebecca Jarvis’ podcast “No Limits” and her interview with Randi Zuckerberg on August 3rd. I found my inspiration! Jarvis spoke with Randi about her journey from college to early career decisions, to her current venture as CEO of Zuckerberg media. They talked about Randi’s struggles, success, and advice (good & bad) she received throughout her career and hers to others, especially from the perspective of someone who was often the only woman in the room. It was the first time I heard about the little tech-savvy Dot, the picture book and TV series (they came out after my kids were at the appropriate age to consume, and hopefully it won’t be relevant by the time any grandkids come along.) I highly recommend the podcast and feel I should pass along the chat’s nuggets of wisdom I think are worth sharing.

The first idea is that a “no” can be a gift. Randi was not accepted into Harvard’s music program, so she majored in psychology instead. As disappointing as rejection might have been at the time, it set her on the path to career success, not only as measured by money but also in being at the cutting edge of innovation and having real impact. I think that this is something we can all relate to. We are tormented by rejection from a very young age at school, in our relationships or love, and in our career. You’d think we’d all be experts in handling rejection, but the truth is that it always sucks. It is always painful. However, often when we think we are being rejected or have failed, we are actually being re-directed to better opportunities. Success is measure not in how many times we fail, but how many times we get back up and keep forging forward. To use the fashionable Silicon Valley term – how many time we pivot. Whenever something goes wrong, we have an opportunity to make it right if we pivot to something new. There’s always another role, another job, another company, another chance.

Another concept that was new to me was Randi’s “pick 3 formula.” She talked about the entrepreneur’s dilemma of being pulled in many different directions trying to juggle many different priorities. She advised to pick three areas to focus on and win every day. Now that’s a novel idea! I’ve always tried to do it all. But it makes sense: family, work, friends, fitness, fun, and sleep – pick 3 a day. And every day is a new day bringing new choices.

The third thing that really resonated with me was Randi’s declaration that she brings a mix of passion and data to everything she does. We are told from a very young age to find our passion, discover our greatest motivation and take action. Passion energizes us; it is what gets us excited to start each new day. Indeed success starts with a dream and passion. However, in every venture we need to combine our passion and judicious use of data to make good decisions. Just like the song “love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage.” Passion and data are the yin and yang of career success. We need both.

Lastly, I loved Randi’s reminder for the need to be interesting. In whatever we do, there are likely to be other people vying for the title. Keeping it vanilla won’t cut it. We need to find our authentic voice and look for ways to differentiate ourselves and stand out from the crowd. The connections we form are based on our unique brand: who we are, what interests us, and the value we bring. Being true to self will help us attract the opportunities we seek.

And I’d like to end with Randi’s powerful question: is the most interesting thing about you is what you do for a living?